Gina Ford - bossyboots or best friend?

Harna: I have friends who have had their daughter settled in bed at 7pm since she was four weeks old. When I was pregnant, I was astonished that they had been able to establish a routine so early on and had commented on it, so they gave me a copy of Gina Ford's book.

I read it then, and was aghast at some of the routines that Ford was advocating. I took another look at Gina Ford's book, and it has really upset me. I know that the routines are just suggested, but I cannot get my head around them.

Reading the routine for an 8-12 week old scares me – all that 'swaddle the baby in the dark with the door shut' and 'baby must be feeding no later than 6.15pm and this should be done in the nursery with dim lights and no talking or eye contact' is so contrary to all the advice I have been given by midwives and health visitors. It also goes right against my own instinct – I didn't give birth to Caitlin just so I could keep her in a darkened room and have no eye contact!

I seem to be doing everything that Ford says not to – demand feeding, allowing Caitlin to sleep in our room (and in our bed sometimes), falling asleep in our arms, and I refuse to give her a dummy! I'm also continuing with some of the things that I enjoyed before Caitlin came along – meeting friends for lunch, going for walks and so on – all things that Ford doesn't seem to think that us mothers want to do anymore; her routines don't even seem to have roster time for allowing mothers to have a bath!

My view is that Ford believes babies are wilful little blighters that need to be taught right from wrong at an early age, rather than new little beings that require an equal measure of love and attention. So how is it that I still feel that everyone else seems to be understanding it and getting it right, whereas I might be on the slippery slope to problems?

borrett: I've been having a love-hate relationship with Gina Ford's book. It all sounded so simple and clever while I was pregnant. I was quite excited about introducing the routines, and having an angelic, perfect baby to look after.

I found it all impossible, though, and dreadfully unkind to Katie too, once we tried it out. Katie is ever so needy and clingy, so I have had to revert to being the 'Earth Mother' I always was, feeding her on demand, keeping her in my bed and carrying her in a sling, etc. But I was soon blaming myself for her behaviour and feeling inadequate as a mother for not being able to install Gina's routines.

It really brightened me up to read that there are happy contented babies out there who are not on her routines! Now I know that blasted book isn't the be-all and end-all of parenting. I now can't believe I even considered leaving Katie to cry in a darkened room, deprived of eye contact. I never did, by the way. I think my maternal instincts would never have allowed me.

There is some wisdom in the book, and it has helped in some ways, but some of the suggestions are a bit scary.