Coping with the devastating loss of your baby

For the father

Men are frequently asked 'How is your wife?' People don't seem to ask after YOU, your baby's father. You already bonded with your baby during the pregnancy. Fathers grieve too, even if they feel they have to be strong and can't cry or show emotion.

'Everyone, quite rightly, worries about a bereaved mother, but many people seem to believe that, as a man, it won't affect me too much. We're supposed to be strong and, to many people, I'm sure that was the front I put on, but I was just as devastated as Lel. Just because I hadn't carried Jesse in my body and felt him move didn't mean I hadn't bonded with my baby, that I hadn't made plans for the future. The hardest thing I have ever had to do was to hand my dead son over to the nurse knowing I would never see him again. I know we have other children but all my dreams for that child were ripped away from us with six little words: 'I'm sorry, your baby is dead'. Stephen

'If any man thinks that in crying, be it over the joy of a pregnancy scan or over the shattering sadness of the loss of a baby, he somehow becomes less of a man, he is quite simply wrong.' Mario

'Even people from my family have said I should be over it, I have other children. Yes I'm grateful that we have other children but that doesn't take away the fact there's one we don't have here with us. He did exist and he'll always be in our hearts. I think a lot of men think like me but put the bravado up.' Duncan

'I don't often talk about our daughter as my wife cries. I suppose I'm trying to protect us both from being upset. I deal with my grief in a different way to her but it doesn't mean I don't think of our daughter often. I still get upset when I hear significant songs. Frankie is my daughter and I love her. I definitely bonded with her while she was in the bump. I felt her and saw her moving and now she's gone. It's like a bad dream that I can't wake up from.' frankiesdad

'Losing someone is painful. Grieving for them is, at times, unbearable. But forgetting them? Impossible. For just when you least expect it, along comes another reminder.' Mario

'A few months after we lost George, I mustered up the courage to come looking for support. I couldn't be brave anymore. I found it hard to find anywhere that had the male side of things. Some sites had a daddy's section but these were little used. What is it with us men and showing feelings? I must admit I do sometimes feel a little strange coming onto this site but I've had such great support here over the last year or so, even though I've read stuff that's made me reach for the tissues. Is that such a bad thing? I think not but I seem to be in the minority as men go.' Duncan

'In the instant she died, my life as I knew it ended. But slowly I'm building a new life, stronger for having met and known my baby girl.' frankiesdad