Coping with the devastating loss of your baby

Keepsakes and mementos

Many hospitals will make a memory box for you, with photos, footprints, locks of hair, cot and baby tag and so on. Don't be afraid to ask for anything you want to keep (plasters, splints etc).

'Nothing is trivial in the harrowing process of losing a newborn baby.' Mario

'We have a snippet of Frankie's hair, even though she barely had any. The midwives found a razor and shaved a tiny bit off.' pokem02

If you want photos...

Take as many as you can.

Take close-ups of your baby's face, hands and feet.

Ask a midwife to take a family photo of you with your baby.

You might not be able to look at the photos in the early days or you might find them difficult to put down. Either way, you will always have them and can look at them whenever you're ready.

Follow your instincts. Whatever you want to do is the right thing. This might be different from your partner, but that doesn't matter.

'That photo! It was Leo, lying flat, head turned to one side, and with just the slightest of blue emerging from beneath a barely opened eye-lid.' Mario

'We took loads as we dressed her and went back the next day with a digital AND 35mm camera and took loads more. But I treasure the close-ups taken by the hospital's photographer most, because they are beautifully clear shots of her tiny face and hand. I hadn't thought of taking any like that.' pokem02

'I took a photo of him with his eyes open, I have to admit I was worried I'd been weird. But just go with your instincts.' sad2005

'I was worried what the camera shop would say when I took the film to be developed. I shouldn't have worried. They were just very kind.' pokem02

'I wish we'd taken more, especially close-ups of his face and hands.' Bethybabes

'We wanted more photographs than just the photos of Josie the hospital had done. They were okay, but we didn't have any of her with us. We asked to go back and our midwife took photos of us holding Josie. They're really nice to have. We used a digital camera, so we didn't need to get the photos developed and could see exactly what they looked like before we left.' josiesmum

Hand and footprints

Many hospitals offer this service. You may be asked to help, or they might prefer to do it as it is quite skilled and you'll want a perfect result. They use special ink which won't mark your baby.

'One thing I treasure the most are the hand and footprints the hospital gave us of Jack and Isabelle. They are so special to us, please ask the hospital if they don't ask you.' walshy2005

'I didn't know I could get both hands and feet prints. I only have one hand and one footprint. Now I wonder was there something wrong with the other that I didn't get them.' Angela

'We didn't want to interfere with her too much, we wanted her to have some privacy and dignity, so we only had one hand and footprint taken.' pokem02

Casts

Some hospitals offer this service, or you can buy a kit and return to the hospital later to take the casts - they're simple to use. The hospital will take great care of your baby until your next visit.

'One thing I wish I had done was to take a cast of my son's hand or foot. Someone bought me the kit after he was stillborn but I didn't do it because I didn't know what to think. They are simple to use and my local hospital is now thinking of stocking them. I felt like I was doing too much to him but I wish someone had told me just to go ahead and do it.' sad2005