Coping with the devastating loss of your baby

Leaving hospital

If you have to leave without your baby

Going home without your baby is such a hard and tragic thing to do. Your baby will go to the mortuary and be looked after and kept safe until the funeral has been arranged. You can always return to see your baby again. If you would like to take your baby to the mortuary yourself, just ask.

'Our son had chosen a tiny pink teddy for Josie, and that was put in her moses basket.' Josiesmum

'The hospital gave us two teddies, one for the coffin and one to take home so that we wouldn't leave empty handed. They said a charity donates teddies for bereaved parents.' walshy2005

'We bought two toys. We left one with Frankie so she wasn't alone and took the other home. We sprayed ours with scent and then swapped them over when we saw her next so she could smell us and we could smell her.' pokem02

'We were given the option of taking Ellie to the mortuary ourselves but couldn't cope with that so the nurse took her for us.' Sue

'Friends of ours were told they couldn't take their baby Joseph to the mortuary themselves. In fact, they could but, as it happened, they didn't want to.' Kate

If you take your baby home

You can take your baby home (unless your child has an infectious disease or the death has been reported to the Coroner). You just need a certificate from the hospital or help from a Funeral Director.

It's not illegal to carry your baby in your car but your Funeral Director might prefer to collect your baby with or for you.

Your home is often the perfect setting to introduce your baby to your family. Once you have your baby home, you will need to keep your baby cool. Prepare a cot or crib in a cool room. You may want to use a waterproof sheet to protect the mattress. Excellent advice is given on the Child Bereavement Trust website.

'We brought our son Riley home in our car in my arms. His colour was fine for the two days until his funeral.' Dani

'I wish I'd known that I could have taken her home. But afterwards, our Funeral Director and hospital explained that, as she was so small, she would have deteriorated very quickly which is why they didn't suggest it. With hindsight, I know they were right. It was June and so hot.' pokem02

'We held Riley often and made sure he was never alone at night. We brought him into our room as he had never spent anytime alone in the nine weeks he was in NICU. We made sure to turn off the heating in his room but that was it. No candles or air fresheners were needed.' Dani