First steps to adoption

This does not mean, as it did in the past, that the child is permanently cut off from contact with their birth family. ‘By adopting a child, you connect yourself intimately to people you would never normally have met,’ Jeanne points out. Increasingly, the adopted child maintains relationships with siblings, grandparents, even the parents.

If you’re considering adoption

The first move is to get in touch with BAAF (British Agencies for Adoption and Fostering) and read their publications for guidance on everything from what to expect from assessment, to experiences of parents and children. Adoption UK, a self-help charity for adopters, is also a good starting place.

The first step is a series of group workshops to learn the basics

Julia and Stephen Prendergast tried to have a family of their own but discovered that Stephen had a very low sperm count due to undescended testicles in childhood. They felt that artificial insemination was not for them. Adoption felt right, because the child would be the genetic descendent of neither parent.

Julia and Stephen began the process by going to three sessions run by Kensington and Chelsea council on Saturdays. A social worker used a flip chart to bring up issues like HIV, ethnic origins and the health of potential adopters.

‘It was fairly prescriptive,’ remembers Julia. ‘Drinking and smoking were banned, and one plump lady was told she had to lose weight.’ They were told to suspend fertility treatment while waiting to adopt, which might prove hard for older couples. These workshops dispel illusions, and numbers drop off at this point. The process turns out to be self-selecting.