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Dummies – how to stop a child using them

by Coram Family Coram Family Logo

question
I need help with my little boy who is three next week. He still has a dummy and insists on having it more often than I would think reasonable. I’ve tried ignoring, being calm, cuddles, putting in a separate room, all of which have provoked the most terrible tantrums that go on for an hour or so. Any ideas?

answer
Parents are usually keener for young children to give up their dummies than the children themselves. Your son is still young and it sounds as if he wants the comfort that his dummy offers. It is not clear how often he wants his dummy, but it sounds as if it is not in his mouth all the time.

Is trying to cut down your son’s dummy time really worth the level of distress currently created for both of you? You and your son are in a serious power battle over this one and it will probably be best if you back off a little.

Does his dummy make it hard for you to understand what your son says? If so, then try a friendly request that he take his dummy out when you are having a chat. Show your pleasure with, ‘That was great. I could hear you and it was really interesting’.

So long as dummies are not dipped in sugary drinks (awful for teeth), and are kept clean, then they do not seem to do any long-term harm. And frankly, thumb sucking (the usual alternative for young children) comes in for criticism too but children need some kind of personal comfort.

After a couple of weeks of avoiding tantrums altogether, you could have a chat with your son about perhaps letting you look after the dummy sometimes, so that he makes a decision to use it less as an automatic habit. However, be fair, if he asks, then just hand it over. If he goes to pre-school or nursery, he might be willing after a while to make that a dummy-free time. The point will come when he will be happy just to have the dummy at night. These are all steps along the way, but this gradual weaning process is better than allowing the dummy to be a focus of disruption.

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