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Grieving after a miscarriage.
A miscarriage is not a clear-cut event. Often there are phases: worrying that it might happen; ignoring the symptoms in the hope they’ll go away; waiting for your worst fears to be confirmed; facing up to the fact that the pregnancy has ended. Some miscarriages are ‘complete’ and no surgery is needed. In other cases an operation is necessary to empty the womb. Many women and their partners feel helpless coping with a situation where they don’t know what will happen.
Early miscarriage
In some cases there is an identifiable foetus miscarried, but in many cases there is no obvious baby, only blood clots and tissue. You may be left wondering what happened. If you’d like more information, talk to your GP or hospital doctor. Knowing the nature of your physical loss can help make sense of the experience.
Late miscarriage
Late miscarriage, after 14 weeks, is physically different from an earlier loss and much less common. Miscarriage at this stage can be physically as well as emotionally painful. The more advanced the pregnancy, the more likely you are to go through labour. Couples often don’t realise this and find it hard to bear. After miscarriage you can ask to see your baby. It is a sad time but can be a helpful memory to hold on to. If this does not feel right for you, don’t feel pressured. After later miscarriages some hospitals take a photograph, which is kept with the mother’s notes. If you change your mind at a later date this may be available.
Disposal
The bodies of babies who are stillborn (that is, born dead after 24 weeks of pregnancy) must by law be buried or cremated. The situation is not so clear for other miscarriages. Most hospitals offer burial or cremation for babies who miscarry late in pregnancy. A few offer this for all babies, but usually the remains are treated as clinical waste or incinerated. If you want to find out about arrangements at your hospital, ask your midwife.
If you wish to bury your baby’s body yourself, you can. You will need to make your wishes clear to hospital staff or to your GP, as they may not be aware this is within the law. The Miscarriage Association has more information about the guidelines to follow.
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