Grieving after a miscarriage.

Grief after miscarriage is complicated. The loss in miscarriage is unique because you know little about the baby. You also grieve for the lost pregnancy and the loss of future hopes. There is no timescale for grief and it has to take its course. Couples often find the anniversary of a miscarriage or the baby’s due date particularly difficult. Also, the first period after a miscarriage brings a forceful reminder of the loss. If you believe that miscarriage is ‘nature’s way’, then you may be able to move on more quickly and positively.
The experience can be difficult for others to share. Miscarriage is often not seen as an important loss. Those around you may not understand and offer misplaced encouragement with phrases like ‘never mind, you can always try again’.

Relationships

Some couples find the experience of miscarriage brings them closer together. Others feel their partners don’t understand. A man may be more upset about the physical trauma his partner has gone through or he may hide his feelings in order to be supportive. Couples express feelings in different ways.
If you have other children, the miscarriage will affect them too. If your child knows about the pregnancy and knows that something has gone wrong, it is important to answer their questions honestly. They sometimes worry that they are responsible for what happened and need to be reassured.

Ways of remembering your baby

For many parents it is important to mark the loss of a baby in some way. You may want to give your baby a name or organize a memorial service. Not everyone finds these things helpful. You may be content with the memories you have and want to move forward.

For further information contact:

The Miscarriage Association,
C/O Clayton Hospital, Northgate, Wakefield WF1 3JS.
Tel 01924 200799.