Fancy becoming a father?

How you adapt to this new domestic order becomes clearly defined over the next fortnight’s paternity leave. Before the baby is born, most fathers view the prospect of paternity leave as an extra period of paid leave, on top of normal holiday entitlement. But a holiday it is not.

With feeds on the hour, nappy changing, incessant crying and winding, spilling gripe water, running baths, emptying laundry by the line-full, and fetching cups of tea upstairs, I thought seriously about installing one of those stair lifts, or moving to a bungalow. With every passing day, paternity leave seemed less like a holiday and more like a sentence; only, there was no chance of going back to work early, for good behaviour. But then I was saved by the mother-in-law. Never before had she received such a warm and friendly welcome from me, when I met her at the train station.