Baby instincts

Here's the truth about each one of those statements:

'Show the baby who's boss.'
We're sometimes told that when the baby cries or is fussy, we should demonstrate who's boss by nipping any 'selfish' or 'indulgent' behaviour in the bud. But it's better that we show the child who the adult is. An adult can make sacrifices for the sake of others.

New babies, like a new business, require an enormous amount of time. Those who own their own business can attest to the all-consuming hours involved in the early months or years of development. Entrepreneurs don't say, 'I put in my eight hours. That's it for today.' They give whatever it takes to nurture their enterprise. Those are sacrifices an owner makes willingly to ensure the future success of the business.

The same is true for new parents who trust themselves. They make initial sacrifices in their own sleep and activities to ensure their infant's optimal growth and development.

'You need to put that baby on a schedule.'
What a tempting idea! If we could schedule the baby's eating, sleeping and playing periods, then we would be in control again. No more pyjamas at 4pm, no more cold dinners at 9pm, no more rude awakenings at 2am. We could regain a sense of order in our lives. Our needs would be met.

But what about our baby's needs? The growth of an infant in the first year is staggering. Can you imagine doubling your weight or growing four inches in eight weeks? How about learning to move from one place to another on your own? What about having sharp, bony things poke painfully through your gums one after another? Everything in our babies' lives is new. Their physical, cognitive and social development comes in sporadic bursts. Just when they've mastered a new skill, had a growth spurt or learned a new game, a whole new challenge develops.

So cut your baby some slack. Maybe she needs a few days of cuddling to make up for a rough week. Maybe yesterday she was starving, but today she just wants to snack. Trust your baby when he indicates that he's lonely, tired, hungry or eager to play. Trusting him teaches him to trust himself.

'If you let that baby sleep in your bed, you'll never get her out.'
Perhaps the greatest block to trusting your instincts is the fear that whatever you do now, you're doomed to do forever. This fear implies that you're incapable of change and that a precedent set can never be broken.

Human beings are nothing if not adaptable. You're a creative, intelligent adult. Find what works for you and your baby now and do it. When you come to a point when that behaviour isn't working anymore, trust yourself to come up with something new to replace it.