Baby instincts

'Don't pick that baby up. Babies need to cry.'
Babies do need to cry but we need to respond. Their crying is to get our attention, our help. It's their desperation signal that something's wrong, that they need us. Are they hungry, tired, bored, lonely, over-stimulated, scared? We watch their cues and take our best guess, and often we get it right. Even when we miss it, the baby gives us credit for trying and learns that we can be trusted to make the effort.

'Put that baby down. You'll spoil her.'
No, you won't. Infants thrive on human touch. They need it to survive. Babies are social creatures who love to be held. Carrying them around also gives them rich learning opportunities as they see new things and hear our description of what's going on around them. In fact, it's impossible to spoil a baby under the age of 12 months. Responding to your baby will create a more, not less, independent child.

'That's not what the experts say.'
In our desire to be good parents, we often buy books to tell us what to do. Yet no one has the secret formula for parenting. Raising a child is an art, not a science. During your research, you'll find some ideas that sound good and some that don't. Trust your instinct to tell you which is right for your family.

In our desire to be good parents, we seek healthcare advice. Being a family physician, pediatrician or pediatric nurse practitioner implies a basic knowledge of babies as a group, but each baby is unlike any other, and you are the expert on your baby. Trust yourself. If you're not comfortable with the advice you're hearing, it's time to seek another opinion.

Believing in Yourself

It isn't always easy to tune out the messages we hear, and some of them will undoubtedly provide good advice. But remember that you alone can make the decisions that are best for your family and your instincts will guide you along the way.

Here are three more reasons to believe in yourself as a parent:

To build your baby's sense of self
A new baby needs to know that the world is a safe place. He learns this when you watch his cues and respond consistently and with love. When you comfort your crying son, you're showing respect for his feelings. Your sensitive care builds his confidence in you and in himself. The level of security formed during the first year is at our core throughout our lives.

To make it easy on yourself
Simplify your life right now. Going with your gut reduces internal conflict and relieves stress. Maybe that means bringing your baby to bed so you can get more sleep. Maybe it's wearing her in a carrier so she can be held while you shop. Maybe it's cutting back on expenses so you can take a longer break from your job. It's giving yourself permission to do what's right for you and your baby.

Make your life easier next year, too. Babies whose needs are met promptly in the first year learn that you can be trusted. That means that next year when you call out 'mummy will be there in a minute', your baby will play with his toes while you finish what you're doing. Those early weeks of sleep deprivation seem unending, but keep them in perspective. This is a short-term investment with a long-term pay-off.

To enjoy the perks
Early parenting is hard work. There's no pay cheque, no benefit plan, there isn't even a weekend. But there are priceless perks: falling asleep with the baby on your chest, gazing at her face while you nurse her and rock her to sleep, catching a middle-of-the-night smile. These rewards are a limited-time offer. Indulge yourself.

Enjoy your baby.