Ten tips for new Dads
Becoming a dad for the first time is a daunting prospect. Gavin Conway, father of four-month-old Kieran, offers ten tips on how to cope with the whirlwind experience of early fatherhood
Before I give you my pearls of wisdom I want to make it clear that I am, by no means, an 'expert' on fatherhood. As any new dad will know and any prospective dad will soon realise, being a father is like no other experience you will ever have. What you are about to read is based solely on my individual adventure and merely represents my advice on how to approach the most challenging, but undoubtedly most rewarding, chapter of your life.
1. Be a domestic God
Having experienced the enormity of welcoming your new addition into the world, it is natural to want to take baby home as soon as possible, especially if, as was the case with my partner Louise, you have spent three frustrating days in hospital waiting for the little bloke to make an appearance. For me, this meant sitting with Lou for hours on end, trying (usually in vain) to make her feel comfortable, only leaving the hospital when sent on missions to buy whatever food, drink or reading matter she desired.
It also meant being chucked out at 8pm every night (I'm only the father after all) to return to an empty flat. An opportunity to veg out in front of the football with a couple of beers you might think (phone switched on at all times). Let's face it, in a couple of days, such luxuries would be a distant memory.
Now, I'm as much of a 'new man' as the, err, next man (I even moisturise) but I shamefully admit that when it comes to housework I still 'have to be told'. But when mother and baby come home, the burden of cleaning the bathroom, staying on top of the washing up and vacuuming the living room will fall squarely on your shoulders. So put down the can of Stella and get on with it!
If you are expecting some kind of reward/recognition/badge for undertaking this task, forget it. Having the place clean and tidy for when they come home is not done for the sake of brownie points, more to avoid the wrath of a tired, emotional, disorientated mother. And if you are lucky enough to get paternity leave, start facing up to the fact that domestic tasks will fill a large portion of your day - at least in the short-term.
2. Be positive
During the early days, mothers often doubt themselves. If baby is not taking to breastfeeding smoothly or is taking an eternity to settle, it is unsurprising if mum, who is probably physically and emotionally drained, feels she is somehow at fault. It is important that you seek to banish these thoughts immediately and reassure her that she is giving her all and is doing her best for baby. While it is imperative mum remains in as good a physical shape as possible for baby's sake, it's also important that her spirits are as high as they can be.
Breastfeeding is a particularly emotive area, and one which caused a certain amount of anguish for Lou. Having been adamant she wanted to breastfeed, and having enjoyed moderate success early on, it became clear she wasn't providing Kieran with the volume of milk he needed. When I woke one morning at 4am to Kieran screaming his head off and a bleary-eyed Lou sobbing uncontrollably, we reluctantly decided bottle feeding was the way to go.
Lou was very down about it at first and admitted to feeling guilty for 'letting Kieran down'. To me this was preposterous. I don't think I've ever witnessed someone try harder at anything and I made her aware of this in no uncertain terms. While I suspect it was scant consolation, it was important for her to hear someone praising her monumental efforts.
There are likely to be a number of occasions when you will be required to 'rally the troops'. Remember, if you're feeling tired, multiply it by ten and you're coming close to how mum feels.
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