Parting company
The most important part of resolving family breakdown is to ensure that your children continue to have access to, and a relationship with, both parents and their extended families. Nowadays, many children have to come to terms with major changes in their family arrangements.
If current trends continue, it’s estimated that:
- More than 1 in 3 new marriages will end within 20 years
- 4 out of 10 marriages will end in divorce.
- More than 1 in 4 children will experience the divorce of their parents by their 16th birthday
- 1 in 8 children will spend some time in a step family
There’s no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ age for children to experience a break up
It depends on what happens and how both parents manage to resolve the problems for the children. Younger children may be confused because they can’t make sense of what’s happening. Older children may assume that their own experience of divorce will automatically mirror the experiences of a best friend whose family has also split up.
It’s a long process
From the children’s perspective, and yours as well, separation and divorce isn’t an event that happens suddenly. Each family is unique, but there are some general patterns to keep in mind in order to support your children.
- Your children will need reassurance, supportive conversations and a great deal of your patience and affection – before, during and after the actual break-up. Young children may ask you what sound like very similar questions over and over again.
- Children may need your attention at times when you feel exhausted and would desperately like them to be content, or at least resigned to what’s happening.
- Even if the atmosphere in your home has been unpleasant, your children may still want you to stay together. Your children may hope and believe that you can fix things and get back together.
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