Treating boys and girls differently

by Coram Family

My partner treats our son and daughter very differently. He’s kind and understanding with our 4 year old daughter but impatient and critical of our 6 year old son, who’s much more boisterous and unpredictable. He thinks he needs discipline but I think their relationship will suffer if he continues with this approach. Who do you think is right?

answer

From what you have said, it does sound as if your son is being treated in a rather hard way. Children, boys and girls, all need positive discipline, with consistent boundaries and patient guidance. Apart from the difference in sex and age between your children, it sounds as if they may differ in temperament too. You may not be able to treat them exactly the same, but they do need to be treated equally and with fairness.

You and your partner probably need a calm discussion about what most sparks him about your son’s behaviour and how you can both guide the boy. Do you think you may be less inclined to intervene with your son, perhaps to balance up for what you see as his Dad’s impatience and criticism? It may help your partner if you give a bit as well. That said, your son only needs to have one adult at a time dealing with his behaviour.

Children learn from being encouraged towards what adults do want, rather then being given a hard time for all their failings. Can your partner focus on at least two ways to be pleased with your son? It may also help if they share enjoyable activities together. If your son is energetic, this could be physical games and a run around the play park with his Dad.

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Treating boys and girls differently