New mum exhaustion

It’s a big responsibility. You’re desperate to get it right, particularly with a first baby. And it may not help that there often seems to be no advice available – or too much advice, with everyone telling you what to do.

And because you’re new at the baby game, you may feel as if you’re failing. ‘I not only felt sore, ugly and undesirable – I also felt as if I was getting it wrong the whole time.’ said Tanya, whose daughter was born last March, ‘Annabelle never stopped crying – and neither did I.’

Unexpectedly, you may also feel trapped, bored, and quite simply fed-up. You may have expected to feel wonderful because you’ve always wanted a baby. But now he or she is here, you may start to resent this huge change to your life – having to carry all that responsibility; not being able to go out as much; not even being able to drink more than the occasional glass of wine because you have to be alert for the baby.

What to do about emotional exhaustion

• Read up on being a mum. Surf the Net. The more you know, the more confident and relaxed you’ll feel.
• Network to pick up on the experience of other mums. Join our ‘Mums of newborns’ board at ivillage and swap experiences with others. If you have no contacts, join Meet-A-Mum (MAMA) 020 8656 7318.
• Remember that, instinctively, you know what is best for your baby – listen to other people’s advice, but follow your gut response. And keep reminding yourself that you’re doing the best you can.
• Take 20 minutes a day to yourself without needing to worry about baby – get your partner or a friend to cover. This isn’t self-indulgence but necessary sanity time.
• If you start to feel very down, it may be post-natal depression. Don’t put up with this for even a day. Check The Association for Post-natal Illness or ring their helpline 020 7386 0868.

  Your relationship’s exhausted

  An added, unexpected stress of a new baby is that you may find your partnership begins to suffer. Because, however much he wanted the baby, your man may be feeling resentful that your attention is currently focused on your new addition. Quite simply, you don’t have time and attention for him any more.

  You, meanwhile, could be resenting the fact that he doesn’t get up at night to feed, doesn’t stay at home during the day. And if you’ve been used to working, you may also feel dependent and vulnerable because you’re now not earning.