Bonding anxiety

by Coram Family

Realistically you are apart for many of his daytime hours, so it is important to spend time with him at the end of the day and over the weekends.

Take care of him if he is a baby or toddler, play, talk, enjoy books, go out and about locally - anything that is appropriate for his age and interests. Just enjoy being together and continue to get to know each other. Other adult interests will have to take a back seat for the time being, if they are likely to cut back further on your time with your son.

It is equally important for your son that he has affectionate and consistent care while you are studying. Parents who are full-time students or in work have to accept that their babies or children will also form a strong attachment with the person who shares their daily care - whether they are looked after within the extended family, by a childminder or in a nursery.

Children have plenty of affection to go around and they need to feel secure and close to the carer. If the care is outside the family, you need to form a friendly working relationship with a childminder or nursery worker so that your child can see that you are all part of his life.

As children become able to talk about their day, they will want to share with you what has happened in those hours of which you were not a part. Your interest will link you into that part of his life. You will be the continuity in your child's life. However, whatever happens, he will still be thoroughly attached to you, because you are his mother. So don't worry, and enjoy your son when he is with you.

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