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  |  Parent  |  Working  |  Career conflict
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Career conflict

by Coram Family Coram Family Logo

question
We have a 5-month-old daughter, and have both just completed PhDs and are looking for work in very specialised fields. I have been offered a perfect permanent job back in Australia, which is also near my family.
My partner has also been offered a perfect job in England. His job would be for 1 - 2 years. Will it affect our daughter’s development, and her relationship with her father, if he is absent at this early point in her life, even if he then returns ‘full time’
a year or two later?

answer
When a couple become parents, it adds a whole new dimension to decision making and a great need for compromise. Contrary to what some of the more foolish glossy magazines will trumpet, you cannot ‘have it all’. You and your husband undoubtedly face a difficult decision. But, if you each work in very specialized fields and you both want your careers to be a high priority, it seems almost inevitable that this dilemma will arise again.

Babies and children need regular contact with parents to form a close relationship. Yes, if this separation is the only one, then your husband could develop a relationship with your daughter later
if he then comes fulltime to Australia.

But to be realistic, he will have to work on it rather like a step-dad. Adults become parents to their children by doing the parenting work. And if your daughter becomes close to her father
on holidays, she will be heartbroken each time he leaves. It will be difficult for her and your husband. Imagine how you would feel if your husband cared for your daughter in the UK and you went to Australia alone.

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