iVillagers coping with miscarriage

Vanessa's story
'I miscarried my baby at seven weeks. When the doctors at the hospital said, "We're sorry to tell you but you've miscarried, total loss," I felt really stupid and it seemed as though I'd imagined the blue line on the pregnancy test.

I didn't realise I was pregnant and therefore had no midwife or doctor to turn too. Afterwards I just felt like my whole world had stopped, and everyone was still carrying on as normal around me.

We told our families and they were sorry, but after that they didn't mention it, perhaps they didn't know what to say, but I really wanted to talk about it. My mother was very good and she would listen whenever I needed her to. A few people said, "Well you've already got one, so it's not that bad," and they couldn't understand why I was upset.

I just kept telling myself that there must have been something wrong with the baby, and it was better for it to happen now rather than later. Also, I feel that compared to the other ladies on this site I got off lightly - I never saw a heartbeat on my scan and I didn't need a D&C. So it could have been much worse.

iVillage has been a great source of support and comfort, and I wish someone had told me about it straight after I'd miscarried, as I had no aftercare and was left to deal with it alone. I find that it really helps me to offer support to others who have had a hard time.'