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Josa’s pregnancy diary - weeks 20-22

I go for my routine anomaly scan with Archie. Two young women are doing the scanning and keep emphasising that I only get twenty minutes every time I ask a question. Having had the nuchal fold scan, I was expecting a little more detailed attention due to my age – looking for what are called the soft markers for Down syndrome and other problems. Not a bit of it. They flipped through the chart, chatting amongst themselves, and generally making me feel as if I was slightly in the way.

Archie was very interested, but didn’t like it much because, at this stage, it is the baby’s bones that show up on the screen – and skeletons alarm him. They asked at one point if I wanted to know the baby’s sex. Oh dear, I can only say in my defence that Archie tempted me, and I fell. They flipped up the image and the evidence that we are having another little boy was all too obvious.

I felt extraordinary. I had never known this before birth, although I had guessed from such things as the speed of heartbeat. I’d assumed it would be a girl because of the feeling of sickness this time, as I did with Maud, but not with Archie.

Also, if I had ovulated at my normal time then, from rough calculations, the sperm would have had to be very long-lived to fertilise the ovum. And they say that XY or female sperm are a lot tougher than YY or male ones. If you wish to choose the sex of your baby – a futile one this – then the advice is always to make love bang on ovulation for a boy, and a few days before for a girl. If any of this holds water, then I did ovulate very early as suspected.

I had to let the potential little girl, along with her list of poetical names and her cute outfits, vanish from my imagination. I regretted little Edith or Esme or Violet. Maud kindly tells me I can keep dressing her if I need a living doll. Archie is of course thrilled and looking forward to long Lego sessions in a rosy future. He wants to call his little brother Sebastian or Benedict.

The session ended, and I wiped off the jelly and went out clutching the little printed photo showing the baby’s skeletal face and arm. I felt very dissatisfied and restless and rather guilty about peeping at my present before Christmas.

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