Anastasia’s pregnancy diary – weeks 38–40

It rings constantly. And every time I say ‘Hello’ there’s audible disappointment from the caller. ‘I thought you’d be in hospital having the baby,’ they all say. I apologise for failing to do what I’m supposed to be doing, they mutter things like ‘take care’ and the call is over. Some have even taken to hanging up on me when I answer, like my father-in-law who rang this morning and said, ‘Oh, you’re there. No news then,’ followed by the sound of the dial tone. This is such a strange time. I feel like a watched pot. Will I ever boil?

Mother nature

She’s a fascinating and clever entity, that Mother Nature. I’ve heard it all before, but it really is true that at the end of the pregnancy all fear is lost to impatience. I truly, out of ignorance, have gone beyond fear of birth and am now experiencing fear of never giving birth. Might this child stay inside me forever? The fact that babies can safely be up to three weeks late is enough to make my ham sandwiches shake with terror. I’m trying to imagine staying in this pregnant state for another three weeks. Just the thought makes my eyes water. I’m planning to fake the flashing white spots before my eyes if all else fails. (I wouldn’t, but at least I’ve got a plan up my sleeve).

The other element that has entered into my pregnancy is comparison. All my friends who were as pregnant as I was have already given birth. They’re off into their new lives as mums and I’m still sitting here like a big fat Buddha. The last straw was the email from my friend Wendy’s husband in New York. Wendy, who was due the day after me, had written me a funny email about her suggestions for getting labour started. I replied with an equally funny list of ideas and admissions of ridiculous things I’ve tried. The next reply said, ‘This is Wendy’s husband, Bob. Wendy gave birth to a beautiful healthy 7lb girl last night…’ Traitor! So I’m officially the last one hanging in there.