Early miscarriage

by Susan Quilliam

One minute you’re going to be a mum, next minute it’s all over. Susan Quilliam on coping with the emotional aftermath of an unborn loss

You may have seen Martine McCutcheon in the papers recently, making her stunning debut in the musical, My Fair Lady, in London. But two years ago, in December 1999, Martine was in the news for a different reason – when her pregnancy ended in sudden miscarriage. ‘It's hard to deal with,’ she said at the time.

Martine's not alone. 60% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, the vast majority very early on. Though it happens often, it’s still – as Martine found out – an incredibly upsetting experience. Because miscarriage is a bereavement, however early it happens.

The loss

In general, the longer a woman has known she’s pregnant and, especially if she's seen ultrasound scans of her baby, the more likely she is to feel the loss.

Even if you’ve only been aware of your baby for a few days, you’re still likely to go through all the classic stages of bereavement. So you’ll feel upset, shocked, helpless and out of control. You may try to block out the grief by denying anything’s wrong.

You may also, more surprisingly, feel angry – maybe at the doctors for not spotting a problem earlier, or maybe at yourself because you suspect that something you did caused the problem. When Lauren Booth, Cherie’s sister, had a miscarriage at twelve weeks, it left her wondering whether her ‘Chardonnay and cigarette’ lifestyle was to blame – she’s since become a health fanatic.

All of this won’t be helped by the fact that your hormones will be plummeting because you’ve been pregnant. Your feelings can be even more confused if you weren’t really sure that you wanted the baby – because you may fear you did something unconsciously to harm it.

So it’s vital to get support right from the start – from your GP, or perhaps your health visitor or midwife, if one has been assigned to you. They can help you talk things through and, if necessary, they’ll refer you to a counsellor.

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Early miscarriage