In order to feel confident and sexy when you’re pregnant, take my advice: steer clear of shops like ‘Morgan’ and never ask your partner whether he finds you more attractive, pregnant or slim. He may just tell you the truth, and in my case the truth was definitely not what I wanted to hear.

I’ll never forget pestering my husband in week thirty for his opinion on my now superbly, bulbous waistline and bulging breasts. ‘I just don’t fancy pregnant women,’ he said gently. ‘It’s not you or anything.’ I rushed into the bedroom and howled melodramatically for half an hour. The problem for mums-to-be is that, although the hormones flooding your system help to boost your energy levels, they also make you feel – well – hornier and sexier than ever before. Sadly, feeling like you’re Kim Basinger in 9 ½ Weeks when you’ve let yourself turn into Kathy Burke in ‘The Slobs’ can spell disaster both at home and out shopping.

Madonna, Demi Moore and all the rest haven’t helped. Looking so glam and fit when pregnant, they give out a false impression of what pregnancy ‘looks’ like. The photo shoots and tight t-shirts, the boasting about being at the gym the day before the birth and doing scrunches in the post-natal ward all say: ‘Look, this is easy.’ Lies. Be warned, if you don’t look like a movie star before you get pregnant, months of throwing up and losing sleep will certainly ruin your chances for the duration.

I was pretty happy with my pregnant figure until the day my lycra trousers and favourite skirt finally became unbearable. Up until month five, I had not exactly hidden my bump, but I had tactfully worn long jackets to work. My face hadn’t changed at all (once the zits had gone) and out of professional pride I kept my roots done and my hair to a TV AM neatness. Then came the day I went shopping to ‘Bloooming Marvellous’ with a friend. Everything changed. There’s something about going ‘maternity’ shopping that invites the sudden realisation that: you have changed; you shop differently, walk differently and your sense of style is less important than not chaffing in the heat.

ivillage uk

Here’s looking at you babe