Anastasia’s pregnancy diary - weeks 14-16

It was time to break down and buy some maternity clothes. Dread. My sister-in-law, who is a fashion designer, recommended taking a look at The Gap’s on-line maternity store. I can deal with the Gap. At least it isn’t called something sickeningly cutesy like Bumpsadaisy. They only ship to the US, so I’ll have to have my new wardrobe sent to my parents in Nevada, since I’ll be visiting them in a couple of weeks. I logged onto the site and suddenly got really into it. Forty-five minutes later I had bought myself a wardrobe! It’s a little too easy to ‘shop’ online, without signing your credit card voucher and realising how much you’ve spent. And the prices are in dollars, which always seem ‘cheap.’ Obviously, trying on the clothes will be the true test. However, the pregnant models looked adorable and sleek and I was very inspired.

I told a friend about my on-line shopping spree and, as a former editor of a mother and baby magazine, she told me something that horrified me. ‘We never, ever use pregnant women in our pregnancy features. They look bloated and horrible and just plain overweight. We always use regular models with a prosthetic tummy.’ I had a sinking feeling I wouldn’t look quite as ‘neat’ in my Gap maternity clothes as those damn imposter models did. Is nothing sacred?

I have a sinking feeling this child is going to be born a light shade of magenta. I can’t eat enough beetroot. Or pickled cucumbers (cliché, I know). I’ve lost my once-raging sweet tooth, which is odd, but it has been replaced by a desire for salty things that could move me to set out, in a torrential downpour, for a bag of crisps.

Nick is amused by my eating habits and is supportive of my mania. If he laughs, when he catches me putting peanut butter on tortilla chips, he does so privately. In the rare moments when I am satisfied with a full stomach, I warn Nick to help me choose healthy foods. Luckily for him, he knows that he must ignore my rants completely, because, if he ever gave me a ‘gentle reminder’ to choose the grilled fish over the fried mozzarella, I would probably bite him like a rabid dog. I feel like a walking science project.

Catch up on Josa Young's pregnancy diary for weeks 14-16.