Anastasia’s pregnancy diary – weeks 28–30

Most of my friends have had the epidural and I just assumed I’d probably have one too. But many of my friends have also had Caesareans, something I desperately fear. I think it’s because I have had surgery before (three times on my dodgy knees) and, basically, surgery is hell. It’s much harder on your body than you ever imagine it will be and it takes a very long time to fully recover and return to your normal self. The thought of being cut into repels me and it’s the last thing I want on my baby’s birthday. I believe that one (or God forbid, two) days of intense pain must be preferable to six to eight weeks of recovery from abdominal surgery.

I have harboured this fear of Caesareans for some time. Now that I have uncovered evidence that pain relief can contribute to my worst nightmare, it looks like I’ll have to be a pillow-biting martyr and try to face the birth experience without drugs. I say this now, having no idea what the pain will be like, but in my own personal birth plan, I cannot justify intending to have the epidural if it means I’m setting myself up for possible interventions that I find unacceptable.

I share this information with Nick and then secretly wonder if I should have kept my mouth shut. What if I am a complete pain-wimp and scream for drugs after my first Braxton-Hicks contraction? What if I simply cannot get through labour without pain relief? What if I end up being forced to have the dreaded Caesarean after all? I guess this brings my train of thought full-circle. I must try to keep my expectations open-minded and recognise that labour is one thing over which I won’t have much control. That, and the rest of my life after the little one is born.

See Josa Young's pregnancy diary for weeks 28-30.