Temper temper!

Once children are well into a tantrum, they are beyond reason. Sometimes you can see one building and you may be able to distract or deflect them in some way. If not:

• Calming words from you will have an effect, although it’s the tone of what you say in a steady voice rather than the actual words.
• Do your level best to avoid shouting. It doesn’t help and actually means that two of you are having a tantrum. When parents persist in a confrontational approach, refusing to compromise and getting as angry as the children, matters swiftly get out of hand. You are giving a bad example about temper to your children and may actually frighten them. Alternatively, some children rise to the challenge, get even angrier and may even relish the power battle with the adult.
• Cuddle your child if the tantrum is more distress and confusion than anything else. He wants to hear your calm voice telling him, ‘I can hear you’re upset’ and ‘It’s alright, we’ll see what we can do.’
• Try not to react to an audience if you have one. Certainly don’t be harsh just to show another adult that you are be in charge.
• Certainly, don’t hit or slap children who are in a tantrum. Hold them if need be or use a loud hand clap to try to get their attention. Adults who hit children are using their superior strength in an oppressive way. They are also setting a bad example to the children who are probably told on other occasions not to hit people.
• Sometimes children can go completely beyond themselves and are not at all responsive to calm words or redirection. You may need to hold them in your arms, especially if they are likely to hurt themselves. Alternatively, sometimes it is safe to let a furious child thrash it out on the floor – but stay close and be ready to move in as they calm down.
• Sometimes your best option is to carry your child out of the immediate situation to somewhere quieter.