A change for the worse
What is the best way to deal with a five-year-old who has started to swear, refuse food, bully other children and refuse to co-operate with his parents?
'Bad' behaviour, especially if it all starts at the same time, suggests a child who is very distressed about something. Adults close to this child need to offer time and patience to bring out what has happened to cause the distress.
In a quiet moment, the child needs to be given encouragement to talk with comments like, 'You seem to be very unhappy these days. Can you tell me about it?' or 'Sometimes you look so cross about things. What's going on?'
Exactly what is said will depend on how the child reacts. On this or other occasions, the child will need an adult to listen, to encourage more confidences, and to avoid cross-questioning or any comments that suggest what has now emerged is not a good enough excuse for the behaviour. Distress and confusion in children emerge in all kinds of different ways.
Yes, the behaviour is a matter for concern, for instance bullying other children. But what are the reasons underlying this change? Certainly the child is unlikely to be helped if the adult response is all about 'bad' behaviour. A positive approach will be important. For instance, that adults deal with incidents as they arise, with a clear message to the child of, 'I like you but I don't like it when you....'
Keep calm and try to avoid power battles wherever possible. Some behaviour may be best handled with firm comments along the lines of, 'That is a rude word and I don't want to hear it again'.
The adults already involved in the child's life, such as parents and teachers, should handle this situation. However, if the child does not respond to the approach suggested, and particularly if the behaviour gets worse, it may be appropriate to seek some additional help. Most schools now have a SENCO (Special Education Needs Co-ordinator) who may help or an Educational Psychologist may be able to support and advise.
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