We have now identified their tactics. So how can we stop these dreaded flirts? Which brings us to the nub of the problem: men.

When confronted, why do otherwise intelligent men say that they don’t know what you’re talking about?

Because it suits them.

They yearn for the old days when a woman’s job was to shore up their ego 24 hours a day. They live for flattery and approval and they don’t take any prisoners in their thirst for it. Who better to supply unconditional adoration than a woman they barely know? When you think about it, who else could?

My friend Jane and I were at a drinking club with her boyfriend Malcolm. A female colleague from his office came to join our group. She sat next to Malcolm and spent the evening tossing her long blonde hair over him like a braying horse. (Hair tossing and lip wetting are in The Flirts’ Manual, chapter one.) After a while, I said to Jane ‘You’ve got to put a stop to this. It’s awful.’ She said no, she was going to be cool about it, mainly because she could tell that her boyfriend wasn’t actively interested in this woman. He was merely the passive recipient of her advances. An hour later I said, ‘I don’t care if he’s not interested in her, she’s obviously interested in him and it’s time for you to give her a clear message.’

Jane nodded her agreement, affectionately took Malcolm’s hand and led him to sit next to her on the sofa. The hair-tosser got bored after five minutes and got up to leave. But before she did so, she leaned over the back of the sofa and kissed Malcolm on the mouth. Quick as a flash, Jane wrenched his head away, twisted it towards her, and continued chatting to him quite normally. Malcolm had no idea what had just happened and also carried on talking quite happily.

This was very cool behaviour. Very clever. But is it the right way to deal with a Flirt On Your Turf?

To my mind, there are only four ways to deal with these women, and all of them have pros and cons:

1) Be like Jane
Ignore it and behave as if the flirt is simply beneath your dignity to acknowledge. Don’t discuss it with your boyfriend. He will like you all the more for being so laid back and not making a fuss. And he will love the fact that he got away with something and was still approved of by you. In that way, his validation comes from you and not her – which is how you want it.
The con: you might not be able to stomach it.

2) Act promptly
Get him away from the other woman as quickly as possible and tell him you’re not standing for it. When he says, as he inevitably will, that you’re paranoid you say ‘Look, we’re never going to agree about this but you can plainly see that I’m very upset and if you love me as much as you say you do I’m sure you’ll want to put me at my ease. So indulge me on this one.’ This alternative is good because it allows him not to have to acknowledge his own behaviour but to address your needs instead. If he’s a fairly evolved man he can still feel a bit of a hero.
The con: can lead to a big public scene.

3) Stay silent
Do nothing at the time of the attempted seduction and give him hell afterwards. He won’t acknowledge his side of the bad behaviour but you can proclaim it at the top of your lungs for as long as you like. Tell him you’ll dump him if you ever see anything like that again or if he ever has any contact with this woman – and do. This option has the advantage of clarity.
The con: you might end up without a boyfriend.

4) Assert youself
Approach the woman yourself. Say to her ‘Do you know that x is my boyfriend? It’s just that I find your behaviour towards him inappropriate.’She’ll pretend she doesn’t know what you mean so leave her in no doubt about your feelings. But don’t get into details about why you think so and don’t personally insult her. If there’s a human being beneath the boob tube she will politely back-off.
The con: hard to pull off with style.

What would you do?
Have you ever been put in an excruciating position by ‘another’ flirt? Does your boyfriend insist it’s all harmless fun? Tell us what you would you do.

If you haven't read Flirts on your turf part one, go there now.