Do you prop up the bar or hang out in the loo? However you party, do it in style

There is nothing like the season of goodwill to bring out the misanthrope in all of us. You either have too many parties to go to (and not enough liver capacity to cope with them) or you feel like a social failure because hardly any invitations have arrived.

If you’re in a relationship, you may start to wonder why all your boyfriend’s friends are nerds or why everywhere you go you seem to run into his ghastly ex-girlfriends. And if you’re single, you may be in despair that you have to brace yourself to go to parties on your own only to find that the effort simply wasn’t worth it and there are no decent men out there anyway. But the challenge for couples and singles, men and women is the same: to wake up the morning after and not immediately think, ‘Oh my god, what did I do?’

Here are eleven ways to survive the Christmas season with your dignity more or less intact.

1. Single women must not go to Christmas parties with any expectations at all. Do not imagine you are going to meet the man of your dreams; think, rather, that you might see some old friends, have a decent conversation or a dance. Use the party as an opportunity to show off your new clothes –your clothes won’t argue with you that you’ve let them down if you don’t pull – and to finesse your impersonation of a friendly, well-balanced,normal human being.

2. A single woman at a party is always at risk of being stuck with a bore.When you’ve established that the man you’re talking to is of no use in any department, say that you’re going to the loo. And then go to the loo whether you need to or not. The room will have rearranged itself by the time you get back and you can talk to someone new.
   3. If you spot an attractive man, smile at him. This is a very underrated dating technique and works brilliantly. If proximity permits, ask him something. Anything will do, like: 'Where's the bar?' or 'What time is it? 'If he's very good looking, and you're in the right mood, go up to him and say: 'Hi, how are you? I haven't seen you since the last one of these parties.' The chances are he was at the last party. Anyway, by the time he's finished working out whether he knows you or not, you're having a conversation. And try not to stare at a man even if your hormones are working overtime. He'll think you're a stalker and that's not a good look.

   4. If a man you fancy is obviously with someone else, back off.

   5. Pretend you are having a good time. If you feel left out, move around the room. People are always gathered around the bar and the loos, so go between the two. This also makes logical sense (see 6).

   6. But if you feel very drunk and you have no one to chum up to, go home immediately.

   7. Bumping into an ex. This is bound to happen, so work out beforehand who you think will be there. Arrange your mind into neutral and prepare to greet him pleasantly, as if he wasn't the worst thing that ever happened to you. Prepare yourself for the possibility that the man who broke your heart will be with someone new. She might even be someone you know. Before you go to the party decide soberly whether you intend to punch him or her. While it's perfectly acceptable to do so (in certain circumstances) spontaneous gestures are better when planned properly in advance. When it comes to it, stick to whatever you decide, even if you can't remember why.
      8. If you already have a boyfriend, you have a double ex factor - yours and his. His are the tricky ones. Again, imagine your worst-case scenario before you get to the party and have your happy face on if the worst happens. Be gracious in victory. Try to avoid saying things like: 'How could you do it with that common midget' or 'My God, she's wearing support stockings', however tempting. It will make him think you're not a nice person and we don't want that, do we?

      9. Your exes. It is always best to be a bit vague about who you've been out with, so unless it's a proper old boyfriend (and your current squeeze knows about him) don't let on.

      10. Try to avoid standing with a group of your girlfriends and shrieking your heads off. Your boyfriend will think that you're laughing at his sexual prowess (which you probably are) and he will get belligerent.

      11. If your boyfriend's behaviour embarrasses you, pretend not to notice unless it involves flirting, in which case you can intervene - preferably gently. If he is the life and soul of the party and you've had enough, go home. There is nothing so provoking to both parties as when one wants to leave and the other wants to stay.

      
      Ask questions and share your party stories - brilliant or tragic - with other iVillagers here.