Under pressure and feeling frantic? Follow Life Coach Caro Handley's six-point plan for a flap-free life

No matter how well organised our lives are, we all get into a flap from time to time. What's a flap? It's a tizz, a stew, a state of panic where we feel we can't cope and there's too much to do in too little time. We end up running around aimlessly, no idea what to do next or how to get back on top of things. At times like this we lose all perspective on life. A temporary mini-crisis becomes a disaster and everything else suddenly feels overwhelming and out of control. We simply can't see clearly any more and have no idea what to do next or how to get back in charge.

In this state we're either pathetically sorry for ourselves and weepy, taking it out venemously on the nearest person or flouncing irritably about imagining that the whole world will grind to a halt if we don't struggle on. Recognise yourself or someone you know?

It's intimidating and horribly uncomfortable being around someone lost in a flap. Yet a huge number of people get caught up in one so often that it becomes habitual behaviour. Sitcom characters like Frasier and Ally McBeal may make being in a tizz seem funny but the reality of living your life in a permanent flap is exhausting and destructive. You may feel you can't help it or even that you get more done that way. Neither is true. Give up getting in a flap and it'll be a huge relief for you, not to mention the people around you.

1. Step back from it all
   Take ten deep breaths then spend ten minutes looking at your day from a fly on the wall perspective. Notice how few things are crucial and how many really don't matter very much.

2. Laugh at yourself
   After all, the picture of you scurrying around in circles feeling like the most indispensable person in the world is funny, isn't it? If you can't muster a laugh, say 'tee hee' out loud. It will help you to see that there's no tragedy involved here, just whipped-up drama. Do it every time you feel the panic rising.

3. Prioritise
   This is the true secret of a flap-free life. Most people have long lists of things they plan to do each day. They never complete them, because they are totally unrealistic. This creates a sense of panic, failure and burden. On top of this they often do lots of small things and don't get round to the one or two things which really count.

   So decide every night which three things are most important to do the next day. Make a list of them and stick to it. Remind yourself that everything else can wait. When you've done them anything else you sort out will be a bonus and you'll have a sense of calm satisfaction and achievement.

   4. Develop a filter system
      Don't treat yourself like a workhorse. You're a precious commodity and your talents and resources are valuable. Therefore you need to decide selectively what you will take on. Look at every request, demand or job you give yourself or accept and think for a minute: 'Do I really want or need to do this?' If not, say a firm no (sorry, I'm booked up for two weeks) delegate it (we'll have a takeaway) or forget it (so who cares if the bed got made or not).

   5. Stop making excuses
      Being in a flap can become an excuse for dreadful behaviour. 'I can't help being late, I had so much to do.' 'I can't remember everyone's birthday, can I?' 'How can he expect me to listen to his boring day when I've had a day of crises.' And so on. People in a flap are self-absorbed and rude. Make yourself a promise not to use this kind of excuse. Make being on time, polite, thoughtful and interested in others your priorities. If you do, you'll be far less likely to get into a flap in the first place.

   6. Remember that you always have a choice
      No one is genetically programmed to get into a flap. It's a lifestyle choice that is draining and unproductive. Choose to give it up and you'll have the added bonus of extra time and energy.