Do you fizz with anger when that certain someone crosses your path? Clear the air and learn how to deal with it

Is someone getting to you at work? The answer is yes, for every one of us, at some point. It’s impossible to work with other people and not find yourself feeling rubbed up the wrong way from time to time. And whether this person is mildly irritating or totally loathsome, the problem needs solving, because it’s you who’s suffering. When someone else becomes a problem we tend to brood on it, worry about it and let it get in the way of the enjoyment of our jobs. So do you have it out with them? Or do you keep quiet and put up with it?

One thing’s certain, if you don’t do anything about it, a small problem will grow into a big one. As you let your irritation fester, a situation you could put up with last week becomes unbearable this week. But there’s no need to put yourself through this, because 90 per cent of workplace conflicts can be sorted out in a straightforward way.

So what do you do?

First: you take responsibility for your part in the problem

You may feel that the other person is the problem, but it always takes two to create any kind of problem. Someone you find intensely annoying is not having the same effect on most other people. So why are they annoying to you?

The answer is usually that they remind you of someone else or some other situation in your past, even if you can’t work out who or what. Perhaps the other person is interfering with your work. Perhaps they’re letting you down. Perhaps they never stop talking. Whatever it is, accept that the reason it bothers you so badly is as much about you as it is about them.

Second: believe that it can be solved

There’s always a solution to every problem, and usually the solution is simple and doesn’t involve anything drastic, such as one person leaving. If you don’t believe this, then agree to suspend your disbelief for just a while, and allow that it may well turn out to be true.

Third: try to see the other person in a good light

Every other person in the world, no matter how much you dislike them, is worthy of respect and decent treatment. Make sure that you’re not being cruel or unfair to them in any way. Don’t gossip about the problem or run them down behind their back, even if you feel they’ve hurt you. Treating them badly will hurt you more, because it will dent your self-respect and you’ll feel ashamed.

Fourth: look for the solution

You can’t make someone else change, so imagine it’s up to you to take 100 per cent responsibility for finding a solution to the problem. Use all your resources and creativity and brainstorm all the possible solutions. Get a friend to help - try our message board. What could you do differently? What might you say? Who else could you bring in to arbitrate? Would a change of attitude make a difference? Do you need to have a straight talk with them? Or are you focusing on this problem to avoid something else you need to deal with at work?

The solution may involve the thing you most dread doing, but do it anyway. It’s worth it because not only will you find peace of mind, you might even feel proud of yourself. After all, you’re a grown-up.

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