Sinking the teeth in





There are few moments in motherhood darker than the day you suspect you’ve given birth to Hannibal Lector. Jane Bartlett on toddlers who bite

At 17 months, my son looked blue-eyed, blonde and angelic. But his teeth told a different story. Benedict had developed a taste for human flesh. At toddler drop-ins, if someone took his toy away, he would suddenly gnash out at the culprit. Whilst other mothers were able to sit back, natter and drink tea, I had to hover inches away from my son in case he sank his fangs into the nearest arm. He didn’t discriminate either, during a cuddle he would sink his newly cut incisors into my shoulder, leaving a little red rosette as a testament to his passion.

Worst of all, he would free range at nursery, testing out the consistency of chubby baby limbs. I say, worst of all, because biting at nursery got Benedict ‘exluded’, making him possibly the country’s youngest child to receive this honour . The private nursery felt they simply couldn’t cope with his behaviour any longer. It was too stressful. The staff had tried sitting him in a highchair when he attempted to bite. But he quite liked that as he thought he was about to get his dinner. Then he was banished to a cot, but still no improvement.

I dreaded picking him up from nursery each day and hearing the report about his dental misdemeanours. When I dropped him off one morning I overheard one mother whisper anxiously to a nursery nurse, ‘Is that boy Benedict in today?’ Oh the shame of it! To have a child turn delinquent when his age is measured in months, not years. What had I done wrong?

It’s normal…

After consulting three health visitors, two GPs, a homeopath and two childcare manuals, it came as an enormous relief to hear the unanimous verdict: biting was normal. Normal. At 17 months biting is all part of play and exploration: nothing vindictive, nothing dysfunctional, his behaviour was just at one end of a continuum of typical toddler behaviour. Between their first and third birthdays the majority of toddlers play piranha, it was just that Benedict did it more than others.

According to the authors of What to Expect: the toddler years (Arlen Eisenberg, Heidi E. Murkoff and Sandee E. Hathaway (Simon & Schuster, £12.99) toddlers bite for a variety of reasons. At the pre-verbal stage it’s a way to make needs and desires known, and it always gets a good reaction. ‘For the curious toddler, biting may be just another inquisitive sensory experiment. For the affectionate one, biting may be a unique way of saying “I love you”,’ says the book.

Biting can also be a sign of boredom, fatigue, anger, hunger, or simply a teething problem. And as with many other negative forms of behaviour, biting can represent a call for attention.

Dealing with biting

Our health visitor advised us to adopt the following approach in an effort to calm Benedict’s canines. (It’s a method recommended in numerous childcare manuals as well.) Tell your child off firmly, and then give them no more attention. Lavish much TLC instead on the injured party. I wish I could say that it worked instantly and that we all lived happily ever after.

Our local authority’s under-eight department were appalled that a child should be asked to leave nursery for biting. They felt that a good nursery should be able to cope with such a common problem but thankfully, we were able to find alternative childcare, and Benedict’s biting did stop; but slowly, slowly, over the next few months.

Benedict was two when our second baby arrived. But we still had to watch him like a hawk. Even now, at the age of four, he might suddenly bite a younger sibling if they row, but it’s rare.

Advice to chew on

  • If your child bites, tell them: ‘No, that hurts,’ very firmly, and then turn your back on them so that they are deprived of any more attention.
  • Make a big fuss of the injured child.
  • Don’t bite your child in play, no matter how delicious that little leg looks.
  • Don’t bite your child back. It can give a child a very confusing message: ‘If it’s OK for mummy to bite me, why can’t I bite mummy?’
  • Is your child teething? Giving them a cool teether to chomp on may relieve their distress.
  • Look for patterns. Children may bite when they are hungry, tired, bored, stressed or arguing over a toy. Keep your child busy. Distraction works wonders.
There’s no doubting that the whole experience was very stressful, because it demanded such vigilance, and also because it was such an emotive issue for us and for other parents. We all want to protect our children when they are hurt, but the sight of a bleeding bite mark seems to arouse deeper emotions than a hit or kick. So to the parents who indignantly whisked their howling infant away, I could only say sorry and assure them that I was doing my best to correct the behaviour.