Does your love life need an MOT? From abstinence to eating, life coach Judith Verity offers eight tips to perk up your sex life

1. Is it really time for a change?

Why do you think your sex life needs fixing?

• Because you're bored.
• Because you're lonely.
• Because a relationship has just ended.
• Because you can remember a time when it was much better.
• Because you're getting more complaints than you used to.
• Because everybody you know is having more fun than you.
• Because the media and the advertising agencies have sold you the idea that you should be having ecstatic, orgasmic sex at least twice a day.
• Because your sex life takes up so much time that you can't get to work in the morning or shop for groceries.
• Because your sexual preferences are unhealthy or illegal.

How many of the above apply to you and what do your answers tell you? Do you really want more sex, or just different sex? If, deep down, you're quite happy with things the way they are, then get on with your life. You can always lie about your night-time exploits it if you want to look good - it's probably what everybody else is doing.

2. Sexual chemistry

Good sex is easy when the pheromones are right - try smelling his armpits if you're not sure - or if you know how to mix the right chemicals. And adjusting your own chemical balance isn't new. People have been doing it for centuries. Almost any substance that has been hard to get or weird to look at has been used as an aphrodisiac at one time or another - even tomatoes.

But now the pharmaceutical industry has taken the ingredient x out of the aphrodisiac business by inventing synthetic hormones and drugs like Viagra - which actually work. However, if you prefer the natural approach, you can still buy aphrodisiacs from local health stores - and they often come with a free crystal.

And of course, there are recreational drugs, which seem to have been around for as long as recreational sex. Unfortunately brewer's droop doesn't only occur with beer - a number of currently fashionable substances also make you feel like you're having a better time than you really are.

Some of the legal 'feel-good' drugs have the same drawback - they do more for your mood than your reputation. Think twice before you tell the doctor you're depressed about your love life - if he or she prescribes Prozac (or a similar synthetic compound) you'll certainly feel happier, but you can forget about sex for a while - a common side effect is loss of desire.

3. Sex without side effects

But if oysters, chocolate and ginkgo biloba don't guarantee multiple orgasms, prescription drugs have side effects and recreational drugs aren't all they're cracked up to be, what are the alternatives? Pornography? Masturbation? Couples holidays? Ann Summers' Parties? Therapy?

Before you throw caution to the wind, why not try a few of the simple and obvious solutions?

• Massage is a great pre-sex ritual. Anywhere or anything that makes your lover feel good will improve the end result for both of you. Take time to focus on your partner's body and your own sensations.

• A walk near trees or water puts you in touch with natural energy (as opposed to strolling down a busy street which will simply put you in touch with stress).

• An exciting experience that gets your adrenaline going will generate some of the chemicals you need for sex. It could be a trip to the fair, a scary movie, a white water rafting trip or even a parachute jump.

• A slow, elaborate meal has always been one of life's greatest aphrodisiacs (and it doesn't have to be oysters). Lovingly prepared food is supposed to contain emotions as well as protein and carbohydrates. It's worth a try.

Think about what's worked for you in the past but be prepared to try some new ideas as well.

4. Relax, don't do it

Once upon a time it was difficult for women to have sex outside of the limits imposed by men. But now that we can protect ourselves from disease and pregnancy it seems like sex is almost compulsory.

This removes some of the desire to actually do it, of course, since forbidden things are always more tempting. Perhaps this is why one popular form of therapy for couples with sex problems is to tell them to stop having sex. If it isn't quite the fun it used to be for you and your partner, spend a week abstaining. The chances are you will not only start to get your appetite back - you may also learn some new and interesting things about each other. It will help make your life sexier in the long run.

5. Love yourself more

• Caring for yourself gives you the confidence to choose a better sex life.

• Looking good conveys the message that you enjoy your body and cherish it - and that you expect others to do the same.

We all walk around wearing invisible labels and price tags, which most other human beings can clearly read. If your label says: 'Human football, six careless owners. Going cheap', guess what sort of attention you are going to attract? The trouble is, you can't arbitrarily repackage yourself. It's not that easy. If you don't believe in the new label you stick on yourself, the glue won't work. People who like themselves hang out with others who like them. People who don't will look for the kind of company that confirms their self-image.

People who like themselves get the best things in life - sex included. So make friends with yourself, treat yourself well, and see what happens.

6. Physically fit

• People who are in good shape have more choices when it comes to sex.
• Sex is better when you're fit enough to keep it up for longer.
We are genetically programmed to look for partners who are healthy enough to produce the next generation. For thousands of years, the strongest men attracted the most fertile-looking women, and the women with the biggest hips and boobs and smallest waists attracted the most powerful men. In the present day, physical strength isn't as important for child rearing. But it is essential for recreational sex. If your blood pressure is low, your muscle tone is high and you've got stamina, sex is going to be better than if you are breathless from climbing the stairs to the bedroom.

7. Having a laugh

Have you noticed the personal columns in magazines and newspapers? Considering how different people are, why do they all sound so similar in the Personals? Most people don't get beyond a Good Sense Of Humour - although of course that's quite a good start. So stop and ask yourself: 'Am I having fun in bed?' (Or wherever your sex life happens). And if the answer is no, it's definitely time to do something about it.

8. What's love got to do with it?

Last but not least, for most people, the best kind of sex is when you're in love. Sex can be either emotional or one-dimensional. If it's just a mechanical exercise, there isn't much you can do, except do it.

Sex is a magnet for emotions, but love isn't the only one it attracts. Fear and anger are another couple of front-runners, which is why sex can be dangerous and scary as well as wonderful. It's a good idea to be picky about the emotions that run your sex life. And, fortunately, you do have a choice.

A lot of people separate emotion and sex completely and if that doesn't work, they separate sex and other people. Those are both safe options, but not exciting ones. Wouldn't it be nice if you could have emotionally unprotected sex, with no danger of hurting yourself or anyone else?

If that's not been your experience until now, it won't change overnight. However, your deadline for perfect sex doesn't have to be as tight as that, so give yourself time and start by asking yourself what you could change, whether you really want to change it - and when.

Judith Verity is the author of Quick Fix Your Sex Life, Quick Fix Your Life and Quick Fix Your Social Life, (How To Books, £5.95).