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A drunken fumble at a party or a well-planned first time experience with condoms to hand? iVillagers spill the beans on their first time
Whether we like it or not, according to revealing research from the National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles, one in four women and nearly a third of men have had sex before they are 16 - the legal age of consent. The study also found that the average age of first time sex has dropped to sixteen, the lowest level on record.
Sadly, many people regret their teenage sexual experiences, with four in five women who had intercourse at 13 or 14 wishing they'd waited until they were older. Overall, women are twice as likely as men to regret their first experience.
We asked iVillagers to tell us how old they were when they lost their virginity and, more importantly, if they felt ready. Read their stories here.
The right time - no regrets
I lost mine at 16 in the downstairs toilet of his parent's house during a party. I remember trying not to laugh, as he seemed to take it all so seriously. We split up soon after. I think it changed the boundaries and I certainly didn't feel like having sex again until at least a year later. It wasn't until I was eighteen and with my third partner that I realised that sex was meant to be fun. In hindsight it would have been better if I'd waited a couple of years until I was 18, but I don't really regret having sex then.
Anonymous
I was 18 and with a man I still love. I was abused as a child so sex is a big issue for me. It is not something I can be casual about. Sex is a very special thing. It should not be forced or done to prove a point. It worries me that children are sexualised so early these days. My childhood was hell and how I wish I had been able to play with my toys - to be my age. I don't understand why there is so much pressure on young people now to grow up. At 13 years old you're still a child. I know a lot of young people and I always say, 'Try to treasure childhood'.
Dolphinchorusatdawn
16, on the edge of a footpath, with someone I loved - no regrets.
Anonymous
I was 22. I'd recommend waiting until everything felt right. Why rush and regret it for the rest of your life?
Anonymous
I was 34 when I lost my virginity and, yes, I was ready.
Anonymous
I was 24, on my wedding night. We'd had lots of sexual activity before, but not intercourse. I'm glad I waited for it to be a warm, special and intimate event. I hope I can pass this on to my children, but pressures to start early are so great now. Even I would be embarrassed to admit to friends that we waited - why? I'm now in my 40s.
Anonymous
I was 19 when I lost my virginity. It was the right time for me as I was in a relationship with a guy I thought I was in love with (in retrospect I did not love him, although I felt I did). We waited five months. He never pressured me. It was simply a mutual decision to take things a step further because we had deep feelings for each other. We were both virgins and mature enough to handle whatever came next. These days there is far too much emphasis on growing up and proving you are an adult when in fact it takes a lot more maturity to say that you are not ready.
Erimar59 (35-year-old mother of four)
I was 20 when I lost my virginity. I am now 22 and glad I waited. Although people thought I was odd for still being a virgin, I first made love with the one person that made me comfortable about it and we are still together.
Anonymous
When it's not the right time
I was 14 and very drunk - bad combination.
Anonymous
I was 18, and I didn't so much lose it as get rid of it as quickly as possible. After leaving home I was convinced that I had a huge amount of catching up to do with my peers. Afterwards I made the big mistake of telling my mother, who was extremely shocked and lectured me about the dangers of having sex young. I was so upset I broke off the relationship, and then avoided having any other sexual relations for years. In retrospect this was just silly: 18 wasn't too young, although it was probably not too smart to jump into bed with the first man I found. I would be much more careful if my daughter made the same announcement to me (I hope!).
Superwoman2001
I was 13 when I lost my virginity. By the time I was 14 I'd had sex with 13 different boys. Got pregnant by one of them and had an abortion. I'm a bit of a mess now.
Lisa_dm16
Lost my virginity at 22. I did not let on that I was a virgin and the guy was none the wiser. Regretted it because I was not interested in having a relationship with him.
Darky84
I lost mine at 14 and I regret it every day. I wasn't forced, but I had no other choice: my boyfriend (four years older than me) told me, 'if I loved him I would'. At 14 I would have done anything for him.
Anonymous
I first had sex several days before my 15th birthday. I'm now 26 and do regret having had such a meaningless sexual encounter. There was a lot of pressure within my peer group to be the first and all my friends lost their virginity at around the same time.
Anonymous
It was a week before my 15th birthday. I thought I loved him but in retrospect I don't think I even knew what real love was. The teenage years are confusing enough, without all the outside influence of television and magazines telling you how great sex is. To be honest I wouldn't say I regretted it, just that at 15 - when you don't really know what you're doing - sex is not much fun. If only at that young age you could understand that sex is fantastic with the right partner and its not just about whipping your clothes off and rolling round for half an hour (or two minutes, depending on your teenage lover's experience!). Once you've done it you can't take it back and there begins a cycle of responsibility: pills, condoms, smears, checkups, pregnancy scares and many other things to boot.
Anonymous
I was 15 when I first had full intercourse, although my first sexual experience was at 13. At the time it was something I wanted to get over and done with. I wish now that I hadn't had such a bad attitude toward myself, and my body in particular, as a long period of promiscuity followed. It was an attempt to feel wanted and loved as my mother had just died. My attitude towards sex has been coloured by my experiences, and although I'm a lot more experienced and adventurous then most of my friends, I lost some of the magic by allowing sex to become something you had to do to please people.
Dweia
Lost mine to my uncle when I was nine; nobody believed me and I was told not to be disgusting and not to tell anyone or 'they' would come and take me away. Been a victim ever since.
Beredeza
I was 18 and didn't really feel ready. I felt too old to still be a virgin. Didn't enjoy it and I felt really dirty after. I wish I'd waited.
Letiziagrosso
I was 15 and very, very drunk. He was my steady boyfriend and wasn't exactly sober either. The next morning I felt fed up with myself and over the following months I lost a lot of self-esteem. After that there didn't seem to be any point in stopping and although we did use condoms I got pregnant six months later.
Anonymous
A final piece of advice
There isn't really a right age. Many people are well into their 20s before they become sexually active, but you never hear about this. Do it because you want to, not because you think you have to and whomever you're with (whether you're a virgin or not) don't rush into it but take time to learn about each other's bodies (and minds) and what turns you and your partner on.
Anonymous
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