How to keep your weight in perspective

These iVillagers explain why starving yourself is pointless and how they have learned to keep their weight in perspective

Extreme diets don't work

  • I am 5ft 1in and have been dieting for seven years, although dieting is a loose term for what I was doing. Over that period, I starved myself, binged, took laxatives, exercised up to 25 hours a week and taken the drug 'speed' to help me lose weight. I have weighed between five and nine stone.

    I'm now intolerant to yeast, wheat and sugar and suffer from frequent yeast infections and bloating. I didn't have periods for three years and I was warned they might never come back, leaving me infertile. Luckily, they did. I was told by a nutritionist that all of this is due to my unhealthy eating habits over the years.

    I now have a much healthier attitude and eat little and often. I go to the gym four times a week, and even though I'm not as thin as I have been in the past, I think I look OK because I have more muscle definition and feel leaner. I like my muscles and the feeling of power that exercise gives me. I 'd be lying if I said that I didn't want this muscle tone and to be thinner (like Jennifer Aniston) but it's not going to happen, especially given my body shape and height. I am learning to accept that I am not a failure if I don't look like a movie star.

    My boyfriend also felt I was too thin. Generally, I think men prefer a Myleene (from Hearsay) body type to a Calista Flockhart (aka Ally McBeal.) Unfortunately, women's opinions are usually different. I have never cared what a man thought of me though - I put the pressure on myself (and other women) to look waif-like. I can't help but like how it looks. I now weigh 7st 3lbs, and 90 per cent of the time I'm happy (I wore my bikini with pride for the first time this summer.) It's now rare for me to refuse to leave the house until I lose another five pounds. Although, it doesn't help that Geri Halliwell is my height and weighs only six stone.

    I'm very angry about the years I have wasted worrying and hiding in my flat, crying and beating myself up because I am not perfect looking. I am forever trying to focus on being strong and healthy and keeping weight gain in perspective. I only weigh myself once a week now.
    iVillager El

    Being thin won't make you happy

  • Everywhere I look, there seem to be diets and slimming plans. I have read so many letters from women desperate to lose weight. The problem is that women think if they get to the weight they want, they will be wonderfully happy. Take it first hand from me - it doesn't happen.

    I am 5ft 6in tall and I use to weigh around 12.3 stone. I always dreamed that if I could get to 8.5 stone, I would be perfect. I got to 8.5 stone and not much changed. I was slimmer and fit into a size eight, but my boyfriend still looked at other girls, work was still hard and I still felt I didn't quite look right. So I lost more weight. Surely under eight stone would have to be it, right? This didn't help either. So it was 7st, then 6st. By this point, I was in children's clothing. At about 6 stone, I realised it probably was not weight that would make me happy. Two years later, I've learnt that appearance means so very little compared to what's on the inside. This is, however, easy to say but much harder to live.

    I think I will always want to be slim but I feel I have it in perspective now. The way I look is secondary to the person I am. So many women tell me that I'm lucky to be so slim and that my life is set being young, thin and pretty. That is absolutely untrue. I view the way I look as a constant source of trouble. Not only does it not solve all my problems, I also find that women are extremely unfriendly and possessive of their boyfriends around me. This is despite the fact that I would never dream of touching someone else's boyfriend.

    At the same time, men assume that I want to be treated as a handbag and hang off their arm as a showpiece, yet at 22 I own two businesses. Numerous times, I have left restaurants and bars in tears because I have had men or women say the most horrible things to me for absolutely no reason, other than the way I look. I dress reasonably conservatively, I do not make eye contact with men and generally keep to my own social group.

    What I am trying to say is that weight loss is not the 'be-all and end-all'. To the contrary, Prince Charming will not suddenly come riding along to sweep you off your feet just because you're thin. Unfortunately, your problems won't go away. They just change.
    iVillager Gismo01

    Conflicting messages

  • I don't usually diet but during my summer holidays I filled out a questionnaire which said I should be more concerned about what I eat. I then became obsessed with food. One minute we are being told that the younger generation are too concerned with body image and the next we are being told to watch what we eat. So, now every time I feel guilty for eating, I tell myself that it's natural to eat. I am not going to feel disgusted by my body - I am only 22 and I don't want to get depressed about something like that. I'm sorry to all you guys who think women should be thin but it's our lives and our bodies.
    iVillager teejnas

  • There are conflicting messages being sent to women of all ages. It can be very confusing. I think that as long as we keep our sanity and learn to like ourselves for who we are and not get too caught up in the whole is-my-bum-too-big-in-this mentality, we and future generations of women will be alright. Sadly, my daughter goes on about how she has a fat stomach and how she must cut down on fatty foods - she's nine years old and should be out having fun and not worrying about how she looks. It's a real shame.
    iVillager Jo

    Are you bored with the constant pressure of acheiving the "perfect" figure? Are you proud of your curves and happy with a fuller shape? Why not chat with fellow iVillagers on the Big & Happy message board. Take a look at some of the LIVE discussions happening on the board right now:

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