Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas (25 years). Joan Collins and Percy Gibson (32 years). Susan Quilliam explains the dangers of May-September relationships and suggests a five-point plan for success

Maybe, if you yourself are in an age-gap relationship, you won't have any doubts about them. You'll see your man - whether younger or older - as perfect. But there are hidden traps, and some are more dangerous than others. Here's our five-point plan to help make age-gap relationships work for you:

Danger 1: Family and friends are horrified
You're seeing a wonderful man who loves you and your family and friends panic. If he's older, they may fail to see how you can fancy him. If he's younger, they're concerned that he'll up and leave when you grow old. They feel that there's something not quite right about a big age difference and worry that you'll be hurt.

Solution:
You have to stand firm here, however much your nearest and dearest try to warn you off. In other words, if this is the right man for you, don't let anyone tell you that the relationship is a mistake. Yes, age-gap relationship have more challenges than ones where the couple are similar ages - but they can be just as rewarding.

Danger 2: You've chosen him for the wrong reasons
The younger partner in an age-gap relationship will usually praise the older one's maturity, sensitivity, knowledge and experience - while the older partner loves the younger one's liveliness, fresh approach, energy and flexibility. Good on them.

But there may be other, more harmful motives. If you are drawn to your 'older man' because you want a father figure you can always lean on - or to your toy-boy because you want to mother him - then these reasons may rebound on you. Sooner or later your father figure may want you to support him, or your toy boy may want to make his own decisions. Then the rows may start.

Solution:
From the very beginning, aim for a relationship of equals, where neither of you pulls age rank over the other and where you take joint responsibility in the relationship.

Danger 3: Your lifestyles may clash
After romance and lust lose their edge, you may simply not have enough in common to survive. The younger partner likes clubbing, the older one likes golf clubbing. The older partner prefers a quiet night in - the younger one wants wild nights out. There just isn't a fit of interests and lifestyle.

Solution:
Allow each other some freedom to do things separately. Build trust so that you can go out with different friends and have different hobbies. Make your relationship the centre of your lives, but not the whole - so you can still mix with your own age group, and then come home to each other without feeling frustrated.

Danger 4: You mature out of each other
Everyone grows and alters as years pass, but the biggest shifts happen in the teens and twenties. So if one partner is very young, he or she may well change beyond recognition, quite simply growing out of the relationship and leaving the older partner wondering where their original sweetheart went.

Solution:
It's important for all couples to keep updating each other on how they feel and think. But for age-gap couples this process is absolutely vital. So talk regularly about your thoughts and feelings, particularly at times when you feel you might be changing as a result of life events.

Danger 5: Illness and death affects one of you first
The sad truth is that if there is a big age difference, then one of you will hit old age well before the other. The younger partner may have to rise to the challenge of being a carer and then a widow or widower - maybe while your children are still young.

Solution:
Build in practical safeguards from the very start, with life insurance and financial arrangements designed to protect the younger partner. Also make sure you keep close to family and friends, so that when support is needed you have a network of people to turn to.

Find out more
If you are in an age-gap relationship and need more support for your problems, contact Relate on www.relate.org.uk or Marriage Care (helpline 0845 757 3921).