He calls when he says he will, places you above his friends and your doorstep is awash with flowers. Is this the perfect man, or is consistent kindness simply boring?

Sadly, you just know that when someone is referred to as a 'Nice Bloke' they are unlikely to set your pulse racing. The sex appeal of reliable men became a hotly debated issue on the dating board when iVillager cmessenger posed her dilemma. After a four-year relationship with a man who betrayed her she finally met someone who gave her all the adoring attention she thought she craved - two weeks into the relationship, they had seen each other virtually every night, he was on the phone for a couple of hours on the evenings off and she was bored stiff: 'I usually go for men who are a bit of an a**e and my new one is not. I'm worried there is not enough excitement there as he is so predictable.'

The thrill of the chase
The members on the dating board understood the attraction of the unpredictable, sheepishly admitting that a capricious man is often sexier than a considerate one. anony23 confessed that 'in my dating days, going-out with unreliable men seemed the norm; the better looking they were, the more vain they seemed to be, the better.' Meanwhile, wrigleyman makes it clear that it isn't just women who fall for the villain of the piece, 'I can't pretend that I haven't been attracted to women who've treated me badly in the past - there's no right or wrong - it's just a question of taste.'

Perhaps it's the effort of constantly having to seduce your lover away from other attractions that make these liaisons appear more passionate. As another poster said, 'After all, we all like a challenge, eh?' Some people are simply addicted to this kind of relationship - the allure of the unattainable sustaining them through years of bad treatment. kanix, a self-professed nice guy, pondering the appeal of 'b*****ds' suggests that it is 'the challenge of hopefully being able to tame them and 'train' them to the way they want'. This idea is backed up by anony23's argument that dating a thoughtful man means 'we women can no longer have an excuse to get upset with him because he will rarely do anything wrong.'

Time to grow-up
Fortunately, most of the board members are not proponents of the 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen' school of thought. Although many people agreed that when they were younger, they fell heavily for the occasional nasty piece of work, they went on to say that as you grow up you learn to appreciate, and are drawn to, more admirable qualities. anony23 got over her attraction to unreliable men: 'As time went on, my confidence in myself grew and my taste in men matured, I wanted respect and reliability as well as passion.' And to prove that eventually the good guys do get the girls, anony's tale has a happy ending: 'I have found my man. Not only is he handsome, funny, kind and reliable, he is also incredibly sexy (being a nice bloke he doesn't just think about his own needs).'

Wigleyman also suggests that the yearning for unpredictable passion is a phase and 'some of us grow out of it and learn to appreciate being treated well, some of us don't.' His advice to cmessenger is, 'when you're ready for a relationship like that, you'll be ready, and nothing anybody can say or do is going to make any difference in the meantime.' He urges her to finish with the nice guy to prevent her hurting him even more later on. Kanix suggests that she takes a break from the dating scene altogether, to reassess her desires and values: 'Only when you're ready can you appreciate a nice guy when you meet one, and ultimately avoid the jerks coming your way.'

Although iVillager zoe agrees that the only fair thing would be to end the relationship, she disagrees with her fellow board members' analysis of the situation: 'If you were ready for a proper relationship, and were as keen on this guy as you should be, then you would want as much contact with him as possible. I doubt it's because he's too nice or boring, it's more likely that he just isn't 'the one' for you.' This is a good point to bear in mind - romantic situations can be over-analysed. It may be that this woman doesn't find Mr Nice boring because he's too nice, but because he's too boring. Who knows? The next considerate man she meets may sweep her off her feet.

What do you think? Check out what other iVillagers are discussing LIVE right now on the How To Do Dating message board.

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