Sally Ann Lasson gets to the bottom of which lies really matter in a relationship

Have you ever watched the film Gaslight and thought you had been unwittingly cast in the role of Ingrid Bergman? In the story, her husband is trying to convince her she is mad. He does this by making her feel nervous and anxious all the time. He mysteriously comes and goes and she never knows where he is. He makes her feel like she's going mad. If she puts a piece of paper down, he moves it somewhere else so that she feels constantly wrong-footed. He has a secret and no, it isn't another woman...for once.

Men lie about different things - money, addiction, commitment, availability, their pasts - but the one that hurts the most involves sexual infidelity. There are usually very obvious signs that a man is cheating. He is unreliable, defensive, he's liable to vanish at any time, he is secretive with his emails and his mobile. He often has a sheepish expression on his chops or even a great big sign across his forehead saying 'LIAR!' Liars are easy to spot if you know what you're looking for.

Not all secrets are lies
You have to accept, especially at the beginning of a relationship, that people don't tell you everything about themselves or they rewrite their histories to their own advantage. That's normal because while all lies are secrets not all secrets are lies. Everyone has the right to a private life. Lies that matter are 'I'm divorced' (when he's married), 'I'm not having an affair' (when he is) and 'It's not you, it's me' (which only ever means he already has another proper girlfriend.)

I once discovered that a man was lying to me. I asked my best friend what she thought. 'Can I have a boyfriend who's a liar?' She answered, 'That's like saying "can I have a boyfriend?"' Only you can decide what you can live with or whether the man in question is worth retraining - which is highly possible.

But first, take our quiz and discover if your man is a liar...