Can your relationship survive the football season? Yes, if you play the right game, says Susan Quilliam

The football season. It feels like it never ends! For those who've survived the football-fest that sends every British male scurrying for the six-pack and remote control, otherwise known as the domestic football programme and thought it was all over, well it's not. So how do you make your relationship work with a football addict?

Join in
The first and possibly the most challenging strategy is to join in your man's passion, to get involved and enthusiastic.

You can't fake this. Some intensive study may be in order. Buy the book Soccer for Dummies by Michael Lewis (John Wiley & Sons, Inc.), which, because it's not aimed at a British audience, is prepared to answer your most basic questions. The section aimed at you is 'A Spectator's Guide'. Then ask your man to add in some extra tuition. And be rigorous - don't just let him witter on if you don't understand. Stop him the minute you get out of your depth, ask questions to clarify the finer points, get him talking about what he loves.

Follow the scandal
But what if you just can't appreciate the technical side of the game? There are still aspects of football that can motivate you to stick out the 90 minutes with grace. It's a star-studded cast for one thing. Play Spot the Hunk - there is plenty of pitch-eye-candy that can set your hormones zooming. Or keep up to date with the scandals - the papers are always full of gossipy titbits about the players, the team and the WAGS.

Because, all jokes aside, football can be fascinating if you understand what the beautiful game means to your partner. He values the skill involved, identifies with the players and has a fierce loyalty to the team. Appreciate that, and you'll start to genuinely understand your man's compulsion. In return, he will appreciate your efforts to support him.

Take time out
If you really, truly, can't bear to get involved, then the second strategy is to stay strictly uninvolved. Use the fact that your partner is preoccupied and spend some time on your own interests and hobbies. Check the match schedules and then organise a parallel timetable for yourself.

So he's watching the footie almost everyday? That means you can take time out with your friends or enjoy a relaxing time pampering yourself at home.

But when he is engrossed, simply pull out your 'here's one I prepared earlier' list of things you've wanted to do for ages but haven't had time - and get going. Indulge yourself, pursue your own interests, catch up with things you always meant to do.

Of course, if your partner's lack of attention to you is year-round, then you have a relationship problem that needs more than patience and an interest in the players' pecs - so visit www.relate.org.uk and organise some counselling. But if normally your relationship is fine, then don't make the championship a power struggle. Take responsibility for your own time and enjoy it.

Trade off
You've probably realised by now that the key to an argument-free football fest is to support your partner - either by joining in enthusiastically, or by letting him do his own thing. But this isn't - and shouldn't be - a one-way traffic. Your partner should realise that his devotion to the game is not yours, and that that this is going to impact on your love life.

Which means that you can reasonably expect him to be willing to give a little back.

Suggest a routine 15-minute 'touchdown' every day - no delays and no excuses - after the two of you come home, and before he embarks on the football frenzy. That useful little ritual will keep the two of you communicating and will keep you bonded.

Or suggest a long weekend away after the final. That will give you some quality time together - and repair any friction that's occurred.

Cash in on the emotion
There's one last benefit that you can, if you are both cute and wise, derive from the coming kick-fest. Quite simply, you can use it to strengthen the emotional links between you. Because football can be a highly emotional experience. When his team loses, your partner will be desolate. When they win, he will be euphoric. So seize these opportunities.

When he's miserable, ask him to tell you about it - then listen, sympathetically. When he's over the moon, ask him to tell you about it - then listen, approvingly. Get him, in short, to open up about his feelings, and take those feelings seriously.

Sulk or swim
If your partner is a football fan, you have a straight choice. You can see it as a threat to your relationship - and spend days sulking and rowing. Or, you can see it as a relationship-building opportunity. Guess which will work best in the long term?

The bottom line is that even if football seems like his primary love, your relationship doesn't need to lose out.