Lying is a dreadful trait. That's why we all do it: 'The cheque's in the post'; or 'Fantastic haircut. Honest'.So what does a sensible parent expect her child to do? Fiona Gibson on the truth of the matter.

Of course, some kiddie fibs aren't fibs at all. They're embellishments, tall stories, a muddle of enthusiasm and wild imagination. The other day, my four year-old son Sam announced, 'I jumped over that river with Daddy.' I gawped at the river: it's easily three metres wide. But before I collared my husband for encouraging such dangerous antics, I clicked - of course, my son hadn't jumped it. He might have stuck his toe in, or lobbed in a brick. He just looked as proud as if he really had managed a three-metre leap.

Lying - or storytelling?
'Everyone loves storytelling,' says child psychologist Dorothy Einon. 'We exaggerate stories to add extra gloss. We tell a child, 'This dinner will be delicious', when it's just ordinary. Without this kind of exaggeration - these wonderful, puffed-up tales - life would be pretty dull.'
My friend Fran (mum to Billy, almost four) says, 'For the past 18 months he's been fibbing constantly. One time he said that my mother had taken him to the zoo, when I knew that they had spent the afternoon planting potatoes in her garden.'
Dorothy Einon stresses, 'These 'lies' do good, by encouraging imagination. You can play along, by saying, "Did you really go to the zoo? What did you see?" Or you can acknowledge that it's not strictly true by saying, 'That's a nice pretend game; so which animals did you meet?

Devious lies
By the time he reaches three or four, your child may have mastered the knack of lying to wheedle his way out of bother. Suzie Berry (mum to Danny, three) became concerned when her 'sweet' little boy became a great big fibber. 'The wheels started 'just coming off' his cars. Expensive, new toys were broken within days. I'd challenge him about it but he wouldn't budge; he'd stick to his line that the wheels just 'fell off'. It's not as if he was even trying to pass the blame onto someone else.'

Points to bear in mind when you're handling tricky untruths:

• There's no 'right' way to act. Your response depends on the nature of the lie and how frequently it's happening. 'Use your judgement,' says Dorothy Einon. 'If it's a one-off, you might decide to let him get away with it. If the wheels are always 'falling off' his cars, you may need to challenge him.'
• Keep your sense of humour. It's hard to be stony-faced when your child declares that there's a lion in the house.
• Make it easy for your child to own up to 'naughty' lies. Saying, 'I see your car's broken - I wonder what happened?' will coax the truth more easily than 'Naughty boy! Wait till I tell Daddy.' If he does admit the truth, don't be overly angry or he'll be too scared to come clean next time.
• Remember that your child doesn't distinguish between accidentally damaging something and deliberately damaging it. It's useful to discuss the difference between the two, but Dorothy Einon suggests giving him the benefit of the doubt. 'Suggest that he probably didn't do it on purpose. Then explain that it's only bad if he meant it.'
• If lying is of a serious (and constant) feature, try to figure out the cause. Talk to other adults involved in your child's care: does he seem unhappy? Is he being picked on? Seeking attention? Gentle discussion (not in the heat of the moment) may help you glean pointers from your child.