How do you cope when other kids are being mean to your child? Some iVillagers share their views

For better or worse, dealing with a bully or a nasty group of kids is often a rite of passage for older kids. It can be heartbreaking as a parent to watch as your child deals with this type of situation - do you intervene? Should you let them change schools? What is the best thing to do? As with so many issues related to parenting, there are no clear-cut answers. But here, the parents of iVillage discuss ways that they can help their children deal with social adversity while learning the important lesson of being true to themselves.

My girls work hard and play fair
'After two daughters surviving secondary school, my theory is that the popular kids are really only popular with each other. No one else truly likes them. Most of the time they are catty - you have to step on a lot of backs to climb that social ladder. We encouraged our girls to work hard, play fair, have fun and be themselves - not always easy. My younger daughter has already had some short-term success with this philosophy and the older has found out a lot about herself and likes most of what she sees. This I consider to be true success in life.'

I brought him up to be too nice
'I considered my older son's Year Seven to be the year from hell. It was the year when bullying was in full swing in his school. But he had to handle it. No one else. Moving him would have accomplished nothing. It was then that I realised that I brought him up to be too nice. I had to reverse it. I encouraged him to handle his bully. It took coaxing and reassurance that we would stand behind him. He did it, and as a result he felt so much better about himself.'

'If you have a situation in your school where some students are bullying others, talk with teachers and other parents. Many schools now run workshops for students to teach them to be more empathetic.'

Encourage them to take part
'I always thought that if the unpopular kids were just better at getting together and socialising with one another they would be popular! So often, though, they lack confidence and socialisation skills. I have one of these kids myself. She would rather complain than do anything about it.'

'The fact that popular kids often maintain their status quo is because everyone accepts their being in charge whether they agree with it or not. After all, many of these kids would not hold their positions if they were challenged. I think we need to change kids' way of thinking. To encourage the unpopular to participate.'

Why not chat with other parents with older kids on the Parents of Teens message board. Take a look at some of the LIVE discussions taking place right now on the board: