First day at school

Starting ‘big school’ sets your child on a journey of learning and friendships, work and play. Here’s how you can help make that first day special

Getting ready

  • Childcare: if you’re going to start a new job, make sure you have childcare sorted well in advance. ‘If you can, avoid After-School Clubs,’ says childcare expert and writer Penelope Leach. ‘Another classroom with lots of big children may be too much for a four-year-old just starting school.’ For help on arranging childcare, see our childcare section.
  • Talk to your child about school: you might be tempted to start doing school activities like worksheets, or using CD-Rom learning programmes, but don’t push it – they have their whole school life to learn. ‘Have fun – but don’t plan an exhausting week of adventures the week before, either,’ Leach says. Talk about starting school and get books from the library. But don’t overdo it. You don’t want your child to be scared, or over-excited.
  • Prepare them for a new social life: alphabets and counting can wait; it’s mates that matter in those first few weeks. ‘Help the bonding process by inviting a special friend over to play, before your child starts school,’ Leach suggests.
  • Establish sleep patterns: get a sensible sleep routine going a week or two before your child starts school.
  • Personal care: as well as dressing and undressing, it’s important your child knows how to use the toilet properly and get his or her underwear on and off; bottom-wiping and hand-washing are also important things for your child to know.
  • Crossing legs: strange as it sounds, it might be useful to teach your child how to do this. ‘A teacher needs four-year-olds to cross their legs as it’s the only way she can prevent their little legs kicking out and hurting each other,’ Leach explains.

Uniform tips

  • Compile a uniform checklist and buy everything in good time. ‘Boys’ trousers, in particular, sell out very quickly,’ warns Tesco Schoolwear Buyer, Vicky Taylor. Make sure you read the school manual as soon as you can to check for preferred styles and colours, and sew on labels.
  • Getting your child to try on the uniform before he or she starts school will help them prepare psychologically. It’s also vital on a practical level, just in case trousers or skirts need taking up or shirts returned.
  • Have a practice run at getting your child dressed and undressed quickly, and if you’re making a packed lunch, check he or she knows how to open the box or flask.
  • ‘Buy pull-up trousers and skirts, and Velcro-fastening shoes. Avoid any chance of your child feeling humiliated and anxious,’ says Leach.
  • Make items unique. If four children have the same coat, and your child can’t find his in the rush to get to the playground, he may panic. ‘Tie a scarlet name tag onto the coat, and make it your little joke,’ Leach recommends

How to handle the first day

  • Get the uniform and bags ready the night before. Plan breakfast, and prepare a packed lunch, if your child is taking one.
  • A piece of toast and juice is better than nothing at breakfast. If your child has a boiled egg, watch out for drips on the tie, and don’t forget to take that first-day-in-uniform picture.
  • If you live nearby it’s good to walk to school. Penelope Leach believes a child likes to know where they’re going. ‘It’s reassuring to have landmarks, and to be able to place where the school is,’ she says.
  • Evaporate stress and nerves by getting a friend to walk with you.

  • When it comes to saying goodbye, Leach says ‘Wait until the teacher pulls the group together. It’s not good to rush off while everyone is still milling around, especially if your child is upset.’ She explains ‘This could mean your child will panic. And panic is the last thing you want them to feel, as the panic itself will frighten them.’ If they are still crying, don’t worry. ‘Most children stop about two minutes after their mum disappears,’ explains private school Reception Teacher Sam Hart.
  • Don’t forget to tell your child what time you’re going to be back at the end of the day – and make sure you’re on time. Bring a snack with you – your child is likely to be very hungry.
  • ‘Don’t ask your child what they’ve learned at the end of the first day, instead ask who they liked,’ says Hart. ‘And tell the teacher who their friends are.’

In the long run

  • Although it’s important for your child to make new friends, don’t go overboard arranging a social life. The experts agree that you should keep extra-curricular activities to a minimum while you let your child get used to the exhausting new timetable.
  • Starting school is a big adjustment for children, so be prepared for weeks of tiredness and some out-of-character behaviour. This is completely normal, according to Dr Christopher Green author of Beyond Toddlerdom (Vermillion, £9.99).