One who looks for a friend without faults will have none. - Hasidic saying Do you size up every man you meet against a mental checklist? Do you have requirements regarding age, education, income, previous marital status, background? It's time to surrender your checklist and accept an imperfect man.

You can be blissfully happy with an imperfect man. You will certainly be perpetually lonely without one.

Your standards may be too high to leap in a single bound. Maybe the man of your dreams has green eyes, curly dark hair, and towers over you. Perhaps he's a successful businessman with a private airplane, or a family man who wants to live on a ranch. You may meet someone who fills your bill exactly.

More likely, your beau will touch your heart and impress your mind, but in some ways he won't be quite what you expected. That means you won't necessarily recognize him when you first see him, especially if your search is limited to someone who meets all the criteria on your list.

If you find you're breaking off budding relationships, not dating at all, or just generally dissatisfied with the available pool of men, you are waiting for a perfect man.

Make a list of all the available men you know and those people whom you have dated. Why have you chosen not to go out with the single men in your circle? Have you discouraged a friend from fixing you up with someone she thinks you might like? Who decided to end the relationships you've had? Why did you decline a second date?

Write down your answers to these questions. See if you find patterns that reveal the ways in which perfectionism made you pass up good men.

From The Surrendered Single by Laura Doyle, published by Simon & Schuster. Copyright 2002 by Laura Doyle.