Being in love means being together - right? But what if you live miles apart? Susan Quilliam advises on how to survive the distance

With more people travelling and working abroad, making a long-distance relationship work is a task faced by many. Perhaps you were based apart when you met, or you were living together and your partner was offered a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity abroad. Each couple's circumstances are unique, but each share similar concerns - is the relationship worth the distance and how can we keep the love alive?

Making the decision
The first factor to consider is whether it is worth trying to make the long-distance relationship work. Certainly, at the start of a relationship, if you don't live close to each other it's tough but not an insurmountable problem. If you truly care for each other, you'll keep loving and move mountains in order to eventually move closer.

But if your relationship is several years in, a sudden separation may be a danger sign. One of you may be creating physical distance in order to get emotional distance. Have a heart-to-heart and be honest. Maybe this 'unavoidable move' is your unconscious telling you that the relationship is not working out.

Making it work
If you do want to be together, there is a lot you can do to make it work. Top of the list is that agony aunt favourite - communication. The less you see each other, the more you need to hear each other.

So schedule regular telephone calls and stay in touch with emails, texts and letters. When you do make contact, don't just stick to love talk, but keep each other informed on the day-to-day aspects of your lives. This way you each stay aware of how the other is thinking, feeling and developing.

If one of you develops a new interest or hobby, the other should make an effort to be involved. It's not passion that ends long distance love, but usually plain loss of common interests.

Building trust
Because you're not there to keep an eye on each other, it's also important to build trust. Be extra demonstrative of your feelings. Send cards, flowers, presents. Say 'I love you' often, to make up for the fact that you can't show affection face-to-face.

Make extra efforts to be reliable, to do what you say you are going to do. If you each know that you are trustworthy in little things, you'll be able to trust in big things - like fidelity.

What about sex?
One big issue of living apart is missing out on lovemaking. Try having phone sex together. You can also practise teasing each other through the day with erotic text messages and, that evening, huskily describing what you'd like to do to each other.

Be careful, though. Don't let expectations build too high as sex may fall flat when you see each other. If the face-to-face lovemaking feels second best, put extra effort into meeting each other's lovemaking needs.

Danger signals
Communication, trust, great sex: it seems to be going well, but watch out for the hidden dangers lurking beneath the surface: