Is your child being bullied?

unhappy_boyA bullied child will often feel too guilty and scared to share the problem with an adult. Often, it's up to the parents to find out what's wrong. Anna Selby helps identify some of the telltale signs

Bullying happens to a certain degree in every school. If your child's head teacher tells you it doesn't happen there, don't believe a word of it. The problem is often one of definition. One person's bullying is another's harmless teasing. Generally, however, bullying is defined in terms of the effects it has on the victim.

Andrew Mellor, former Anti-bullying Development Officer for Scotland, describes it thus: 'Bullying happens when one person or a group of people tries to upset another by saying nasty or hurtful things to him or her again and again. Sometimes bullies hit or kick people or force them to hand over money; sometimes they tease them repeatedly. The person who is being bullied finds it difficult to stop this happening and is worried that it will happen again.'

Other definitions include the spreading of malicious rumours and leaving certain children out of games. Whatever form it takes, though, two things are certain: bullying hurts and no parents would ever want their child to be the victim of it.

Recognising the signs
The problem is that parents often don't even realise that bullying is going on, especially as children don't want to talk about it, either for fear of reprisals or because the victims feel they are somehow to blame. Certain signs, however, should make you consider the possibility:

  • Your child suddenly becomes reluctant to go to school

  • Your child seems uncharacteristically anxious

  • Your child has nightmares or starts to wet the bed

  • Your child develops vague illnesses to avoid going to school

  • Clothes or belongings are damaged or missing

  • Dinner money is regularly 'lost'

    If you suspect that your child is being bullied, try not to over-react. It is important for your child's state of mind that you approach the problem calmly. If your child has not told you directly that he or she is being bullied, ask about what happens in the lunch break or on the way to school. Talk generally about whether bullying occurs in the school, which children are involved and what the teachers do about it. Explain that the only way bullying will stop is by bringing it into the open - this will help children who might feel they'd be accused of telling tales.

    Once your child has managed to explain the situation, you can decide what to do. There are no hard and fast rules for dealing with bullying, as each case is different, but take a look at our practical strategies to help your child end the daily torment.