If you think playground politics is something that only applies to your kids, think again. Claire Roberts stopped by her local school at going-home time and watched the parents size each other up

Next time you pass a schoolyard full of boisterous children, take a second to watch how the kiddies interact with each other. Then drop by the school gates at 3.30pm to see where they get it from. Parents struggle just as much with 'playground politics' as their offspring. The proximity of the school seems to rekindle feelings and behaviour most grown-ups should have grown out of.

'Just recently parents were asked to contribute to the summer fair,' says a mum colleague of mine, who, anxious not to rock the boat at the school gate, begged to remain anonymous. 'One particularly bossy mum took charge, so I asked her to put me down for sausage rolls. She employed selective deafness and blindness to ignore me and wrote down the name of one of her cronies instead. When I asked again, she said "Well, I don't suppose it will matter if there isn't much variety." 'The rest of her little gang continued to jostle in front of her 'bagsey-ing' their favourite things to bring - it reminded me of a bunch of three-year-olds around a sweetie bowl!'

Monopolised by mums
The summer's break from peer pressure at the schoolgate is a welcome release for many parents, especially that most elusive of creatures - the 'token dad'. 'I don't often pick my son up from school but, when I do, it's always an exercise in reminding myself I'm not the one who's five years old,' says single dad, Ed Collins. 'I'm a really committed dad, but the circling mums look at me as though I'm the devil incarnate. Last time, my son was upset because one of his friends was moving away, but as I tried to comfort him one of the other mothers took over completely. I felt redundant, he was embarrassed and she cemented her place in the group as mother hen. I was fuming - but of course I didn't say anything. It's amazing how the dynamics of such a group hold you in check.'

'Schoolgate politics are an important part of every parent's life, because you can feel very isolated if you're not included,' says Margaret Morrissey, spokesperson for the National Confederation of Parent Teacher Associations (NCPTA). 'It's particularly hard if your children haven't been at pre-school with the rest of the kids, as many parents already know each other. It makes a real difference to be able to share experiences, and it's very important in terms of talking through school issues - if you can form an alliance with other parents about a particularly contentious aspect, you're much more likely to be taken seriously than as a lone voice.'

The competitive streak
When parents get together there is the inevitable showcasing of their children's talents. Although it isn't overtly expressed, talk about exams, sports day or other school events is often a thinly disguised discussion of whose child is the most intelligent, sporty, popular, etc. The new school year in September brings with it a whole gamut of emotions and not just for the kids. `We had Parents' Night last week, where we all discovered who our children would be going up into Year One with,' says our anonymous mum. 'One mum was worried the classes had been split according to ability (with her child being in the less bright group). It just goes to show that competitiveness is almost a by-product of having a child in school.'

Networking and flirting
It's not all doom and gloom, however. Indeed, for some mums the school gate provides a thriving social scene. A recent survey by car manufacturers Vauxhall, revealed that some mums take the opportunity to get glammed up and 'network', with three per cent of those surveyed saying they've flirted with dads, male teachers and even the caretaker at the school gates. 'There's no doubt that the schoolgate can mean many different things to UK mums,' says Dean Barrett, Vauxhall's marketing director. 'It appears that many feel under pressure from other mothers but, positively, it seems that the vast majority of mums clearly want what's best for their children.'

'It's natural to want to feel part of the 'schoolgate crowd' but these things can take time, so try not to worry overtly,' says Margaret Morrissey of the NCPTA. 'The more anxious you are the more likely it is that that anxiety will transfer to your child. He or she may ask why you're not friends with X's mummy and so on - try to respond positively, so that even if you're not the biggest fan of your child's best friend's mother, your feelings won't affect theirs. It may be difficult, but try to overcome your barriers. Apart from anything else, it's helpful for your child to recognise a fellow friendly mum if you happen to be late one day.'

It seems, whatever our age, we can't quite escape the dynamics of school socialising. But however stressful going-home time may be, take heart. It's got to be better than the chaos which ensues each morning - one mum surveyed admitted she even put her son to bed in his uniform every night to save time in the morning. And I'll bet she's not the only one...

National Confederation of Parent Teacher Associations: www.ncpta.org.uk or phone: 01732 748850