John Carr is the Internet Advisor for the National Child Helpline and a leading expert in the field of fighting child abuse. In August 2003 he joined members on our Your Child's Safety board to answer their questions about child safety online

Q: How do we teach our children about the grooming signals used by paedophiles without frightening them or coming across as being 'paranoid parents'? clare_uk
A: Dr Rachel O'Connell of the Cyberspace Research Unit at the University of Central Lancashire is one of the UK's leading experts in this. She runs a website at www.fkbko.net which offers great advice to kids about chat rooms, and links to some of her other published work that deal with this issue. The other place to look is the COPINE project at the University of Cork.

Q: We get profiles of likely perpetrators, but not of the victims. It would be good if parents and teachers had guidelines for spotting when children are miserable enough to look for this kind of solace, and some advice for getting their kids to look for friends and activities offline. nance444
A: There are two kinds of kids who are likely to get into trouble online. The ones you have described, and another category: high-risk takers. Paedophiles are often very adept at identifying children in either category and at establishing contact with them. In almost every case things have started to go wrong when the paedophile has persuaded the child to leave the semi-public arena of a chat room and go off for a one-to-one chat, so that's a key danger signal. However much you might feel like screaming with anxiety and fear for your child's safety, don't. Talk to them openly and as calmly as you can about your worries and concerns, show that you understand that 'stuff happens' on the Internet - and that means you have to take a little time to get to understand the issues yourself. Maybe your child can be your teacher and, in so doing, show you where she goes online and who she meets there.

Q: We always hear about cases of abuse over the Internet, but how common is it really? I suppose it's a difficult crime to legislate against, but what are the current laws on the subject? theodina
A: The basic rule is that whatever is illegal in the real world is illegal in the online world, so there are very few laws that are specific to the Internet, although this is starting to change. In the UK we have a Sex Offences Bill currently going through Parliament. It should be law by October/November. The Bill will modernise the current legal regime in relation to sexual offences generally, and in respect of children in particular. Some of those elements of modernisation are directly down to the Internet e.g. we are going to have a new offence for grooming a child for sexual purposes. Nobody keeps any official figures about child abuse cases that start on the Internet. They just get recorded as child sex crimes, without necessarily indicating some of the key surrounding factors, e.g. that a computer or the Internet was involved. The Home Office is looking into changing the way we record these incidents but, meanwhile, we do our best to monitor cases through the local press. We estimate that in the past two or three years there have been about 25 cases (22 girls 3 boys) where children under 16 years old have met someone in a chat room, gone off to meet them in real life and been raped by them or seriously sexually abused. We know about these because in each of them the guy was caught, convicted and sent to jail. We don't know about all the others, e.g. where there was insufficient evidence to bring a prosecution, or where the child never told her parents, or where the parents never told the police, but you can be sure the number is much larger than 25.

Q: I'm wondering just how many paedophiles are out there? What percent of the population do authorities think are abusers? lucasdoug
A: No one knows and trying to guess probably won't get us very far. However, the highly respected Stop It Now campaign estimates that around 1 in 10 children are sexually abused (not necessarily only by adults), but over 75% of these victims never tell anyone while they are still children. Secondly, think about Operation Ore, which revealed 7,200 UK names from one child pornography web site.

Q: The government introduced new screening for anyone who works with children. Do you think this really works? blue_horizon
A: Screening only helps you keep out the bad guys who have already been caught. It's important to do that, but most sex offenders in the UK and elsewhere have never been caught, so it is never going to be a complete substitute for maintaining proper care and vigilance. Thus, even if someone has come from a country that does not maintain a Sex Offences Register (and that's probably most countries in the world) the organisation's policies ought to kick in to keep children safe anyway.

Q: Are paedophiles more likely to stay away from rooms that are moderated? ichoochoo
A: If the chat provider is providing moderated or monitored chat they will say so. The key thing then is to find out what this actually means in their particular case. Moderation can cover a multitude of sins. For example, are the moderators police checked? How were they recruited? Face to face or simply online? Did they receive any training, and what kind of support do they receive? How many rooms does a single moderator cover? What is the maximum number of children allowed in the room at once? What are the age limits in the room, and how are they enforced? Do they rely on software to detect 'dodgy' words, or is it all supervised by real people? There is a big problem in this whole area: there are no industry wide standards for moderation. We desperately need them so parents will know what they can, and cannot, rely on. The Government and the industry are working on this - together. Watch this space.

Q: Are there warning signs if a child is being groomed or targeted by adults posing as kids? Since paedophiles seem so tricky in getting around parents, how would I know if my daughter or son were about to be lured away? jphowze
A: I will never forget listening to one mother saying (something like) 'I suppose when she started cutting up her bed sheets with scissors, I should have realised something wasn't right.' Her daughter had being sexually abused by her live-in lover for years without her knowing. Although a very extreme example, it highlights some of the signals children will display. Other signals are: sudden changes in the child's behaviour or appearance, especially if accompanied by excessive use of the computer and/or undue secretiveness. These are common danger signals that ought to trigger any parent to look more closely at their child's life across the board, to see if anything might be going wrong, and see if they can help put it right. If you suspect a link to the Internet in the first instance, I would try to get the child to open up and talk to you about who they have been talking to there. If you are still worried, it might be worth investigating some of the technical and monitoring tools that are available.

Q: What is the best way to instil a feeling of trust in my daughter, but also educate her and keep tabs on her online activities without being too intrusive? feistydevil
A: In my experience, part of it is definitely about being open about your own anxieties and concerns. A good idea is to sit with your child and ask them to take you through every bit of software they have loaded on the PC and explain to you what they do with it. Ask them what chat rooms they go to, and who they speak to there. Find out if they use Instant Messaging, and who is on their Buddy List. All of this is communicating two things: firstly, that you are interested in what she is doing online, and are not running away from it all because you are a boring old technophobe and, secondly, that you care. Worst of all, don't threaten to take the machine away. That means you'll never find out anything. She'll keep it all secret.

Q: Do the 'parental controls' on major ISPs like AOL work, or are kids too clever and find ways to get around the system? seliab
A: No system is ever going to be 100% foolproof, 100% of the time, which is why one should never wholly rely on technical solutions. It is just as important to educate our children about the hazards of the Internet so they know how to avoid or handle them. But the truth is that many of the parental control packages can be a great help, particularly if you have younger children. And if you do obvious things like keeping the password safe, and making it un-guessable, it will be very hard for the overwhelming majority of children to get round it.

Q: I recently saw a presentation by Joe Sullivan from The Lucy Faithful Foundation, who revealed some very interesting facts about people who are likely to abuse children. These included the fact that the majority of child sex offenders know they have an interest in children before the age of 18, and that sex offenders will often make excuses for their actions in the same way a smoker who is trying to give up might make excuses, if they slip up and have a cigarette. What else do we know about offenders' traits and behaviour? kirstin2002
A: We know quite a lot about child sex abusers, not least because of the work of the people at the Lucy Faithful Foundation. Very few people are actually born as paedophiles. It is behaviour that they have learnt, and so we can say they have been through a process that can be understood. One of the things we understand is the role of sexual fantasy in fuelling their deviant behaviour. For many, child pornography can play a key role in stimulating their sexual desire for children. That is simply one more reason why it is so important to remove such materials from the Internet and elsewhere. Over one in three men who have been found in possession of child pornography are found to be actively involved in abusing children, and many theorise that the other two just haven't been caught yet. As another expert put it 'The only reason why men collect child pornography is because they want to have sex with children, but some of them may not have realised it yet.'

Q: My daughter is 14 and often spends up to eight hours a day on the computer. I worry about the effects on her health and I am confused about which is more dangerous - her being outside on her own, or online. joneschick
A: I'd say eight hours in a single session is way too much, even for an adult. However, the truth is, it depends entirely on what you daughter is doing. If it were a major piece of research for some homework, several hours might not be over the top. I would start looking a little more closely if that happened very often. A computer is not a substitute for fresh air or for developing conventional, inter-personal skills and relationships. Having an Internet connection in your house is a bit like inviting the whole world into your living room. That can be a great idea sometimes, but there are risks that go along with that, just as there are with playing out in the street.

Q: I have tried to make my two children (13 & 15) aware of the dangers of chat rooms, but wondered if you have any tips on how to make them aware of when things become inappropriate in a chat room. miss_suger A: There are several well known warning signs, the most important being if someone asks you to leave the public space of the chat room and go off for a one to one, which could be because they do not want any witnesses to what they are about to say next. Another is to watch for any questions such as 'how you get on with your Mum and Dad and the rest of your family?' or 'Do you have many friends?' Paedophiles are often looking for lonely, isolated or angry children whom they can befriend. Similarly alarming is when anybody specifically asks that you keep your conversations secret, or asks you to destroy any emails or other records of your contacts. Watch for someone tricking you into revealing your age, especially if they come straight back and say that, funnily enough, they are just two or three years older than that. And, of course, if they try to get you to send any pictures of yourself and/or your friends, or they try to get into any kind of sexual chat, these too ought to act as alarm bells. Sooner or later, they will ask for an email address, an IM handle, even a mobile phone number so they can text and talk. What all this often leads up to is a request for a real life meeting. That's the most worrying request of all and should always be turned down or, if your child is determined, make sure you go with them to the first meeting, which should always be in a public place, with lots of people around.