The festive season can put your relationship on the spot.
Here, Susan Quilliam outlines the ten most common relationship difficulties couples' experience over Christmas and how to cope

There are many reasons why the Christmas holidays can leave even the happiest couples' slightly frazzled and fractious with one another. It's the combination of family parties, constant planning, too much food, alcohol and time at home, which can sour your festive mood and leave you seething with irritation. If you felt frustrated with your partner over Christmas, make sure you iron out the problems and start the New Year afresh.

He didn't deliver in the present department
You made a real effort with his present and he clearly didn't. Women often believe that the present a man gives is a sign of his love. Wrong! Men aren't natural present givers and are often scared of getting it wrong. They settle for something small or traditional whereas we want them to be extravagant and creative. If you do feel disappointed, try not to sulk. He wanted to do his best for you, but he didn't know how. Rather than scream at him, gently explain your disappointment and suggest he treat you to something extra special as a peacemaking gesture.

Next year, give him a list with details and prices so he makes the right choice of present for you.

You got on each other's nerves
As the days went by, you found yourself getting more and more irritated with him. By New Year you were ready to snap. Unless you suspect that your irritation is masking disillusionment with your relationship, these feelings are likely to be down to being cooped up together for too long over the Christmas period. When you get back into your normal routine, you'll find that things naturally improve. But it's worth making a sincere apology for feeling irritated. If you apologise, your partner probably will too. Next year, keep your sanity by allowing yourself some time apart over the Christmas period. Spend some time with friends, with family, or best of all alone. Go for a walk, go shopping, or curl up on the sofa with a book.

You did all the work
You threw yourself wholeheartedly into making this Christmas happen - and your partner didn't pull his weight at all and accused you of nagging him. Often, one partner, usually the woman, is more enthusiastic about Christmas than the other. This can leave their partner feeling left out. They lose any motivation to help as they feel all the work has already been done with out them and that their contribution is unnecessary.

Once Christmas is over, treat yourself to a good night out to celebrate the New Year, your relationship and all the hard work you put into Christmas.

Next year, as Christmas approaches, draw up a list of what needs to be done and have a family conference to allocate jobs. On no account, no matter how tempted you are, must you do anyone else's job for them. Even if some of the tasks don't get done and you feel everything is turning into a disaster, relax, it might be a blessing - one disorganised Christmas may be it all it takes for your partner to realise just how much work is actually involved.

You dislike his family - and he probably dislikes yours too
Every year it's the same story - the in-laws drive you mad. No matter how much effort you make with them, you and your partner end up seething at each other in the kitchen followed by a blazing row after the relatives have finally gone home.

Most in-law rows are about conflict of loyalties and you're left feeling torn between your family and your partner. To successfully handle in-laws you need to understand that partnerships will only work if your first loyalty is to each other. So reaffirm that loyalty - say it out loud. If your partner won't reciprocate, don't panic. He may need you to take the lead on this commitment before he feels able to follow suit.

If you've had problems with the in-laws this year, just for once, plan to spend Christmas without your relatives. This will send out a strong signal that partnership is more important than family. If you feel they will be hurt arrange to see them the weekend before or after Christmas.

He drank too much
Your partner spent most of Christmas topping up his glass or down the pub. Alcohol then led to bad moods, bad moods led to rows and the whole holiday turned into a disaster. Heavy drinking is a sign of a man under stress. Christmas is a time to let go and indulge yourself, but heavy drinking could be part of a longer-term, more worrying pattern.

If he moderates his drinking after Christmas, then relax and concentrate on getting the two of you back on track. If he keeps on drinking then it's time for more serious action.

What to do for next year? You need to talk to your partner about this and get his agreement not to drink so much. You can help by not having alcohol in the house over Christmas and by encouraging him to drink low alcohol when you're out together. If he has a problem with drink, National Drinkline can help - 0800 917 8282.

Money's a worry
You overspent at Christmas and now you're both worried about how to pay your January bills. Money is one of the main causes of arguments in relationships. This is because people generally have different attitudes towards money and how they spend it. When money's short, your clash of criteria can cause strain. Avoid problems by agreeing a tight budget. Stick to it, however tempted you are. Once there's more money in the bank, things will be easier.

Avoid getting into financial difficulties next Christmas by planning ahead. Take time to talk through your attitudes on money - Corinne Sweet's book Stop Fighting About Money, Hodder & Stoughton £6.99, will help you understand each other and to find a compromise.

You argued over the kids
Partners can have very different ideas of how to raise a family and your ideas may vary according to how old your children are. You may have been in agreement about how to treat toddlers - but disagree about how to handle school age children. Each Christmas, the rules may be slightly different from last year and that may cause unexpected arguments.

It's vital for your children's sake to present a united front. They need the security of knowing that their parents are a solid unit and that they can't divide and rule. If you're in conflict, make your peace with each other and firmly agree on parenting strategies.

Sex was a non-event
There are two possible reasons for lack of sex at Christmas. He may have felt exhausted and the combination of rich food, alcohol and lazy days killed his mood for sex. Or you've got problems with your relationship - he's not in the mood for intimacy and you are.

If you're sure that your relationship is fine, then don't give him a hard time for not getting sexy over the holiday. Instead, take his lack of desire as a sign he needs a little more support - and that when he feels less exhausted, the passion will return. If your relationship is rocky, see your lack of sex as a major wake up call: book a session with a Relate therapist to sort things out. Call 0845 130 4010.

Next year, make time before Christmas for rest and recuperation. Take a weekend away in early December to recharge your batteries. Then, when Christmas comes, he'll have the energy to perform.

Old problems reared their ugly head
You spent most of the Christmas holiday going over old resentments - his affair, your lack of sex drive, and your interfering mother in-law. However much you tried, the argument kept surfacing throughout Christmas.

Big issues can get buried if the two of you have busy lives. You may think they're resolved but you actually need to talk them through and get them sorted. The free time together over the Christmas break gives you the opportunity to do this.

It's important to deal with these festering issues. You can't sort it out alone; otherwise you would have done so already. Consider relationships counselling.

If you get the outside help this won't be an issue by next Christmas. If not, this issue will keep cropping up.

You've realised it's over
You had doubts about your relationship, but being together over Christmas and seeing each other in the context of family or friends has convinced you that the relationship isn't going to work. The Christmas break gives you an opportunity to step back and see your relationship clearly. If you both agree that it's over, then sadly the best way forward is to break-up. Try to work out your problems first, especially if one of you is desperate to save the relationship. Seeing a counsellor should help: call Relate on 0845 130 4010.