Not so long ago, the idea of dads staying at home to be full-time childcarers was thought, at best, a bit odd, but new statistics show that this situation is changing rapidly

According to latest Government statistics, in 2001 there were around 155,000 men staying at home full-time to look after their kids or home, with 60 per cent doing so completely voluntarily. This figure isn't, however, made up entirely of men caring for their children - it's impossible to glean the exact number, even from the Office for National Statistics, which doesn't compile data on housedads - but we do know, even if only by word-of-mouth, that increasing numbers are joining their ranks. Added to this is the growing number of men who are working part-time or flexi-hours in order to take on the job of chief carer.

Increasing support
The social stigma around giving up work to raise a family - which applies almost exclusively to men - is fading away, and there are many more dads in evidence at playgroups and schools, dropping off and picking up in between running the family home. There's a growing need for more resources for stay-at-home dads, such as the website launched by two enterprising full-time fathers. Nick Cavender, who co-founded HomeDad.org.uk with Simon Windisch, says: 'Almost all resources for parents are aimed primarily at mothers. Although we were constantly being told in the media that the number of stay-at-home dads was rising, we felt we didn't have a voice.' He claims that the website, which has over 500 members, is currently the only UK support group dedicated to helping dads who are staying at home to bring up their children.

It's traditionally been thought that men simply can't make as good a job as women can of juggling household chores with spending quality time with the children. Whilst it's largely true that, in most cases, they will run things differently from their female counterparts, that doesn't mean that they are any less committed or able.

We asked three full-time dads how they feel about their roles as primary carer.

Tim's story
Gary's story
Neil's story

Tim's story
Tim Calder, 42, from Chesterfield,
is full-time dad to Ethan, four-and-a-half

'My wife, Alex, was about seven months pregnant when the idea of one of us giving up work first occurred. Alex was stuck on M25 while I was in the office where I worked as a store manager. We were both having a bad day and I jokingly said that if anyone was going to stay home full-time it would be me. To my surprise, Alex suggested talking more about the idea that night.

'We originally thought we'd get away with six months of me not working and Alex as the family breadwinner. She was a regional sales manager for a drugs company and earning good money. I left my job in November 1999, shortly before the end of Alex's maternity leave, and we had six fantastic weeks together with Ethan, which provided a bedding-in period while I got to grips with taking over the childcare. I'm a firm believer that mothers have some instincts that dads don't naturally have, so this was important.

'We had a fantastic network of friends through the NCT group and antenatal classes, and they all welcomed me with open arms because of Alex having laid the groundwork. The only problems I've had have been with strangers who think I must have been made redundant, gone long-term sick or have some other reason for staying home. They can't accept that I've chosen to do it.

'I don't think Ethan is missing out on anything. Ideally, parents should sing from the same hymn sheet, and we've always tried to maintain a consistent approach to his upbringing.

'As time has gone by, going back to work has become less of an issue, and I've started back at college, learning how to be a basic skills tutor in adult literacy. We're expecting our second baby any day now, and Alex will be on maternity leave until September, so we'll both be able to spend the summer with Ethan and the new baby before I take the reins again.'

Gary's story
Gary Northeast, 49, from Dolanog, mid-Wales, is dad to twin daughters, Sioned and Eleri, 19 months

'I felt really strongly that I didn't want to miss out on the children growing up by working long hours. My wife, Marilyn, is a primary teacher who really enjoys her job, and she knew she wanted to go back at the end of her maternity leave. As a self-employed musician, I can pick and choose my daytime hours, so it all made sense.

'During the day, I do a lot of my rehearsing with the other two band members, interspersed with nappy changing, feeding and general childcare. Luckily the other two also have children, so they're quite understanding. Recording is too difficult to do with the girls around, though, so they're about to go to a childminder one day a week. It was Marilyn who suggested it, as she knows how frustrating it is for me not to be able to record, but I'm going to find incredibly difficult to let the girls go.

'We live in a small rural community where people are surprisingly flexible and accepting of what I do. I know of fathers in urban areas who've had a terrible time trying to be accepted by women at mother-and-baby groups and in the school playground.

'I believe a lot of men could have a much greater role in bringing up their children, but the system is generally set up for women. I've had to go into women's loos before now to change the girls. When they get to the stage where they can manage a toilet, what will I do then?'

Neil's story
Neil Culver, 40, from Bishop's Stortford, Herts, is dad to Dylan, two-and-a-half, and Sam, 16 months

'A fortuitous redundancy from my job in IT, just two weeks before Sam was born, prompted the decision for me to stay at home. My wife, Amanda, and I had been discussing it beforehand, but it was a big jump because we both worked in the same industry and were worried about job security.

'Redundancy gave me a buffer which saw us through a few months, but now the money's run out and we've had to pull our belts in. With two young kids the nursery costs would be phenomenal so it wouldn't be worth me going back to work. The hardest thing has been adjusting to Amanda earning the money, as I've spent almost 40 years being conditioned to be the main breadwinner. My head tells me that being a full-time dad is the best thing I could possibly be doing, but it doesn't stop me feeling that I should be contributing more financially. Perhaps when the boys are both at school I'll retrain, but probably not in IT. I'm quite interested in getting involved with the school so I can remain close to the children.

'When we had Dylan, we were both very active parents and tried to spend as much time as we could with him. Then when Sam came along, it was a bit daunting, but Amanda took her full six months maternity leave, so we learned to cope together. Having lived alone until I was 32, I'm probably more domesticated than Amanda, so it wasn't too difficult stepping into the role of main carer.

'First time around, when Amanda was looking after Dylan and I was working, I'd come home and Dylan was all over me - he'd lose all interest in Amanda. Now both boys do exactly the same thing in reverse: they rush to Amanda when she comes home, and won't so much as hold my hand to walk up the street!'

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