How much fun is too much? We all love a bit of attention, but there's a fine line between a bit of harmless flirting and disloyalty to your partner.

So how can you tell when things are getting dangerous? And how can you put a stop to a flirtation that's heading inexorably towards the illicit?

First of all you need to be honest with yourself and learn to recognise when you're feeling seriously tempted by another man.

Five signs to watch for

1. You're over emotional
A warm smile may leave you feeling happy, but it shouldn't leave you walking on air for weeks. A couple of days gap before a guy returns your email may leave you irritated, but it shouldn't leave you pacing the floor and chain-smoking until two in the morning.

If what you're doing is fun, enjoyable but not emotionally charged, then you're probably safe. If it leaves you on a total high or low for days, you're in trouble. Your feelings are a clear indication of when something is important to you; if they are on full alert about an other guy, then he's important - probably too important.

2. You're breaking your own agreements
Every partnership has its own spoken and unspoken rules - and they vary enormously. Some couples would regard a flirty text as grounds for divorce; others stay cool even when their partner spends a weekend away with a friend of the opposite gender.

The point here is that the line between safe and dangerous will vary according to the agreements you and your partner have. If you've agreed that it isn't on to do something, then don't do it - but if you've discussed it and are both happy about it, go ahead and enjoy yourself.

3. You're covering your tracks
You keep your mobile to hand day and night just in case your boyfriend answers it or tries to read your texts. You click off your e-mail account when he enters the room. And you mysteriously find yourself 'editing' your description of what happened in the wine bar last night after work.

If you are hiding what's happening from your partner, it's because you know he (or she) wouldn't approve. And whether or not he has any reason to disapprove, this means you've crossed a line. You are now doing something that would hurt your partner if he knew about it.

4. If you wouldn't like the tables turned
Stop for a moment. Imagine that your partner was doing what you are doing. How would you feel?

If your honest answer is that you'd be perfectly relaxed and confident in their loyalty, then you're probably still ok. But if you'd be really unhappy about their behaviour, then you know that what you're doing is potentially hurtful.

5. If you just can't stop
Even if none of the above criteria line up, even if everyone's happy about what's happening, if you can't imagine calling a halt to what you're doing, then you're in serious trouble. Because however harmless it all seems, if you can't stop sending those texts, those emails, or that banter, then you're addicted. And if you're addicted, then the next step could be risking all for the sake of that flirting.

Five ways to take a stand against temptation
If you're seriously tempted by another man but still love your partner, it's time to take a stand and put a stop to your destructive behaviour. Here's how:

1. Refocus the fun
You may be flirting for England because you're bored with life and want some excitement. If that's the case, having fun in a non-sexual way will make you much less vulnerable to sexual temptation.

So give yourself a life makeover. If you're underachieving at work, then get some more training and go for a promotion. If it's your social scene that's suffering, find more friends. And if the flirting is boosting your self-esteem, then find other ways to feel good about yourself. In short, get a life and you won't need to have an affair.

2. Switch direction
If the temptation's mild, it may be enough simply to turn your mind to other things. Block the memories of that meaningful glance across the dance floor, or the intimate conversation over coffee. Simply don't go there mentally and you'll be less tempted to go there literally.

Or, switch the direction of the interaction between you and your 'temptation opportunity'. Rather than taking up on the double entendres in his e-mails, ignore them. Rather than batting your eyelashes, turn the attention back to the work project you're supposed to be discussing. Consistently refuse to play the flirting game and he'll get the message and stop.

3. Force an ending
If temptation's strong, then a simple change of direction won't do it. You'll need to bring things to a definite close with a strong, firm statement - face to face, by email, by phone.

If things are in their early stages, you may have to avoid the words 'it's over' - because you've never actually acknowledged that there is an 'it'. Simply say you can't write, phone, text or meet any more - he'll get the message.

Then follow through with little or no contact. And expect to feel bad, tearful and angry as if you were going through a break-up. Because this is the end - of a possible relationship, if not an actual one.

4. Revamp your relationship
Almost always, vulnerability to temptation is linked to what's happening at home. So you need to take a long hard look at your central relationship and ask yourself why you ever came close to betraying it.

What did you get from the flirting that you weren't getting from your partner - admiration, giggles, passion, support? What was happening with your partner that never happened with your 'temptation opportunity' - disagreements, rows, disappointments, infidelity?

Ask what needs to change in your relationship - then start talking, negotiating, and doing all you can to improve things. In other words, revamp your relationship to make it temptation proof.

5. Consider the possibility...
Just sometimes, temptation's a sign not that you're rocking the boat, but that the shipwreck has already happened. What you're doing is not simply flirting, but actively moving on from your partner - you just haven't realised that fact.

So consider the possibility. Almost certainly, you'll realise that you are still in love with your partner, and you'll recommit to him. Great.

But just possibly, you'll become aware that this is the end of the road. If so, face that. It's much kinder to all concerned to split up with one partner before giving in to temptation with another!