Christmas may seem far off - but preparations are already underway - presents, cakes and party invites are being considered, but what about a man? With our unique ten-step plan you can be sure you won't be alone under the mistletoe

Step one: decide what you really want
What sort of man do you want to be with over the festive season? A fun friend to bring to the office party? A red-hot lover who is happy to spend Christmas Day between the sheets? Or a full on commitment that'll lead to wedding bells by the summer? Be flexible - don't create an identikit picture stating eye colour, height and profession - but do think through the role you want this man to play in your life.

Action: Think about your current situation before deciding what sort of man and relationship you want. Write it down. Read it daily.

Step two: clear away your mental blocks What's stopped you getting a man in the past? Were you too nervous to make the first move? Were you so picky that you turned down every guy at first glance? Or perhaps you were still so in love with your ex that you simply weren't open to other offers.

Action: Choose a trusted friend and ask her (or him) to give you clear feedback. Make sure they give you some achievable things to change - get a new hairstyle, smile more etc. With more in-depth problems, you need to examine how you behave and be honest about where you're going wrong. If you feel you need serious support, find yourself a counsellor; even just a few sessions can help.

Step three: meet, meet, meet!
The equation's quite simple - the more men you meet, the better chance you have of finding the right one. This strategy's particularly important when you're on a Christmas deadline. So especially if you're past the peak dating-age of 16-22, where almost every man you meet is single, you absolutely have to get out there.

Action: Just from now until Christmas, accept every invitation. Ask everyone you know to introduce you to their friends. Log on to friendship and dating sites. Go to singles clubs. Quite simply, break the mould of your existing social life and meet as many new people as possible.

Step four: put out the 'available' message
Trust me, men often want to pair up with the women they meet. But sadly, they can lack the confidence - or the social competence - to pick up the signals and take things further. So spell it out for them - not by being overtly sexual, but by emphasising your normal friendly verbal and non-verbal signs.

Action: When you meet an interesting man, make him the focus of your attention - look, smile, nod and ask questions. Mirror his body language with yours. Stand close to him when you're talking - just to the extent that you could comfortably reach out and touch. If you sense he's interested but isn't making a move, take the initiative - suggest a drink or a film.

Step five: check him out early
Even if you're not hunting after marriage material, you need to make sure any guy you start to date is not going to make you miserable - and that he'll hang about at least until the New Year. So however much you lust after him, make sure he isn't just using you.

Action: Check - by watching him, by asking him, by seeing how he behaves to you and to the other people you see him with. Walk away immediately if you find out that he's: married, engaged, living with someone, or dating - even if 'she doesn't understand me'. Walk too if he: drinks too much, seems addicted to drugs, shows signs of violence, has a track record of infidelity or flirts too much with other women.

Step six: have a great first date
The best first dates lay the foundations for a wonderful relationship - by getting you both relaxed, talking, and getting to know each other. So as well as the classic romantic meal, consider more quirky activities like walking, bowling, or even going to a sports match, where you can interact and have fun together.

Action: Do your research. Find out what good activities and relaxed eateries are available in your area. That way, when you arrange to meet a man, you can make some good suggestions as to where to go and what to do - he'll be impressed by your originality and taste. Most importantly, when you do meet for that date, relax and enjoy yourself.

Step seven: Show your fun side
From the very first date, make your man happy to be with you. How do you do this? Be happy yourself - laugh, chat and be enthusiastic and energetic, plan fun things when you're together, and be positive about him and about you. It's very tempting, particularly if you've been without a partner for a while, to make every date intense or serious. But such emotional involvement takes time to develop and can be a turn off - begin by having a good time together.

Action: Every time you meet, do something fun, even if it's only fish and chips as you're walking home. And every time you have met, do a mental check: has the balance of positive and negative been roughly five to one. Keep that balance and you'll both keep thinking that the relationship is worth it.

Step eight: lay solid foundations from the start
If you want to develop a sound relationship, you need to set the ground rules right from the start - the later you leave it, the harder it'll be to change the basics.

Action: From the first date onwards, make sure that the two of you are taking roughly equal time to talk and listen, that you are both getting what you need, that you only allow a level of intimacy that you're comfortable with, that you are telling each other clearly if either of you does or says anything which offends or insults the other. If something's wrong, be honest with yourself and him, clear the air and get back to the fun stuff.

Step nine: build intimacy
To build a relationship quickly (that is, in time for Christmas), you can't simply sit back and let things take their course. Of course, if the two of you aren't compatible, then nothing you do will change that. But if you're getting on well and feeling relaxed with each other, then you can actively build intimacy.

Action: First, get interested in what he's interested in, and get him involved in the things you're interested in whether it's sports, hobbies, music or films. Second, open up about your thoughts and feelings, particularly the positive ones, and ask about his. Third, start mixing with each other's friends - use the opportunity of office Christmas parties and festive get togethers to slowly include him in your personal and professional life. Last but not least, touch - not just during sex but at other times; skin on skin contact is one of the key ways that humans bond with each other.

Step ten: have a great - but balanced - Christmas
Of course you want to celebrate the festive season with your man - that's the whole point of this ten-step plan. But don't rush things. As Yuletide approaches, it's important to have a clear idea of what the balance of involvement is between you - and what that means for your first Christmas together. Nothing is worse than buying him a gold watch and discovering he's bought you a box of chocolates.

Action: Notice how you feel about him, and how you think he feels about you - as shown by how much time you spend together and how attentive he is. Then about a month before Christmas, have a more formal chat about your plans, particularly about what level of present you'll be buying for each other and what you'll do on the day itself.

If you get total agreement - wonderful. But if he seems to want a lesser (or greater) degree of involvement than you, ride with it: don't push to be invited to his family Christmas dinner or allow him to attend yours if it doesn't feel quite right yet.

Because actually, it's early days; this is just the start of your relationship. The bottom line is that if you play your cards right, this man can be for life, not just for Christmas.